Hey -
Here I am starting a new blog to keep myself accountable for getting healthier. I've been posting at my other blog for a few years now, but I want to keep this one separate, and private. Why? People who read my other blog, like friends and family, have seen me start and fail so many times, that I want to show myself that I can be consistent and successful before I advertise. But rightly, one of the most important factors for success is to PUBLICLY hold myself accountable. Hence, a new blog. Other folks who are like me (ie fat) are welcome to read this one. I will have to figure out how to have this be accessible. For now - I need to just start it, and figure stuff out as I go. But go, I must.
I'm 261 pounds now, was 275 last summer. Why do I want to lose weight? What is the trigger that says now is the time, while all those other times weren't quite THE time? There are two main factors.
First, I'm not going to see 44 again, or any of the other years before that. I'm close to the end of my 45th year, and have a sedentary job. My knees freeze up after hours of sitting and I have trouble standing and walking. That stuff isn't going to get better all by itself. My vision of myself in 10 years unable to walk because I didn't take care of myself is terrifying.
Second, I joined the volunteer fire department to have something challenging to do, and to find my tribe (and to give back and grow roots in my community). Being single informs everything that I do. I am looking for a partner, but in looking back on my life, I realize that my happiest times are those times when I had close friends. I need me some of those. I need a tribe. Tribe is more important than partner.
So I'm in the fire department, doing challenging, fire department-y things - realizing that all those years that I pooh-poohed when people would talk about being fat and out of shape (like one automatically meant the other), I was wrong. I can't simply climb up the apparatus in my turnout gear and get something from the top without trouble. Hell, my leg isn't even strong enough to raise itself to the step. I have to pick my own leg up to get onto the truck, and then haul myself up with my arms. I have trouble carrying the generator, the Scott air packs, etc, etc. My plantar fasciitis means that every time I spend a few hours standing with the air pack on, I spend DAYS afterward limping (and pretending to the guys that there's no problem). It's bad enough that I'm a weak woman, but I'm a weak, out-of-shape woman, trying to play in the same space as young, strong men.
For the last six months or so, I thought that it didn't matter and I'd contribute to the department anyway - but now I think that there's nothing stopping me from being a real contributor, except my weight. My health is good. I'm just carrying around 80 extra pounds all the time. No wonder I'm having trouble. Further, I've been giving myself the easy way out, not consistently stretching, or taking my dog for walks, or moving more. (I want to use this blog to explore why, even though I thoroughly know how to lose weight, why I choose to stay fat.)
I've been reading doctors' and research blogs for the last year, looking for the magic formula. It's heartening to see that there is so much disagreement among really smart people about what causes obesity, because it means that multiple things will work. I don't HAVE to go low fat, or go high fat/low carb, or go low glycemic index. I've tried all that stuff and end up feeling deprived and feeling like my diet rules my life. I don't want to say what my formula (my dieting ideology) is going to be, because it may change. It's going to be whatever works. And not works just to lose weight, because my primary goal is to get healthier, whatever weight that is. I want to be the 65-70 year old that is spry and full of vitality.
These days I've been focusing on waiting until I'm hungry to eat, and eating foods that satisfy me. I've been following the food reward series of Stephan Guyanet and other blogs in the paleo realm, and think I've come to a definition of highly rewarding food that works for me. Highly rewarding food is food that doesn't satisfy me - I want to eat more of it. So, my plan is to stay away from those foods (popcorn and pasta are two), but otherwise eat whatever I want.
Further, I've gone through my Seth Roberts phase and my "keep fasting insulin measured by blood sugar low" phase, and a bunch of other phases. Most didn't work. Some worked for a while, and then didn't. I think now that I just need to do the simple stuff.
Keep my calorie intake below 1500.
Monitor my calorie intake.
Exercise more.
Work on self esteem.
That's why I like the challenge concept and hope to be part of the Christmas Dress Challenge (and will do it anyway, even if not formally in it). It will take what I've been doing in my head for years and move it into the real world. And that us WAAY overdue.
