175.6 this morning.
I'm still doing OK and gotta remember that.
My cat died yesterday. He seemed fine on Monday. I came home at lunchtime on Tuesday and saw that he'd pooped out part of his insides. So I ran him to the vet for an operation. He came home Tuesday night, but didn't get better. I came home from work yesterday and he was stiff and cold.
I guess I'm still processing it. I haven't cried yet, but I am clinically noting that I have a really strong desire for food, along with a knowledge that I am not hungry.
Since I hurt my achilles tendon over a month ago, I haven't been able to run. I confirmed that when I tried to run Monday and re-hurt the tendon. It's pissing me off, and my exercise has been really spotty.
I'm typing this up to be accountable to myself.
This is the time to note that these things happen and keep going the best that I can. I have given in to some extra food today, a white and black cookie and some fudge just now have me uncomfortably full (because I ate an apple before the cookie and some grapes before the fudge). The food doesn't help me. It's not a treat, or a way to be good to myself. It's a way to avoid pain. It would be much better if I would just allow myself to feel what I'm feeling, which is rotten. I'm trying to keep myself to 1/2, 1/4 or 1/10th of what I want to eat.
It's like the triple whammy. I feel bad, so I want to eat more. I feel bad so I don't want to exercise. Both of those things make me feel worse, which spirals back around. Reminder to self. Don't let the spiral start!
Eat a little and note that it's not making me feel better.
Meditate and feel my feelings.
Don't give myself any excuses.
Try not to do too much damage.
Don't stop exercising
Don't let the spiral start!
Friday, October 26, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
A New Low
I hit 174 yesterday morning - 5 pounds away from my goal. 102 pounds gone.
I'm so freakin close, that I get a little upset when I do dumb things, like eating out every day for 5 days the other weekend. Things that put on 4 pounds in 4 days. I was completely focused and on task last week and took it back off.
I'm still losing (very slowly now). I'll probably get to 169. But I might not ever get there. I might waver a few pounds above it for ever, and I'd be completely happy with that.
But this is how it goes. I'm gonna set a weight that makes me wake up and get back on track. For me, that will be 175 pounds. As long as I'm below that weight, I'll try to maintain. Here's my formula to maintain:
When I need to get back on track:
Stuff is going to happen. What's saved me recently after I pulled the achilles tendon playing soccer is to look at the rules. I don't think of it as optional. I didn't want to exercise. I couldn't run (still can't). But I set a rule for myself to work out 1000 calories each week, so I had to figure something out. And I did. I used the elliptical. Unfortunately, I think I used it too hard on Sunday and pulled a muscle in my rib cage. So tonight I'm going to change again and do a workout video, either step or pilates. The pilates won't burn many calories, so I'll have to work out more days to get 1000 calories in this week.
I don't get any days off from watching myself. There is no such thing as a vacation from these rules. They're not unreasonably hard. I think one meal in 100 is completely reasonable for a pig out. Allowed, but not often. I can live with that.
I'm so freakin close, that I get a little upset when I do dumb things, like eating out every day for 5 days the other weekend. Things that put on 4 pounds in 4 days. I was completely focused and on task last week and took it back off.
I'm still losing (very slowly now). I'll probably get to 169. But I might not ever get there. I might waver a few pounds above it for ever, and I'd be completely happy with that.
But this is how it goes. I'm gonna set a weight that makes me wake up and get back on track. For me, that will be 175 pounds. As long as I'm below that weight, I'll try to maintain. Here's my formula to maintain:
- Eat well 90% of the time (which is 9 meals out of 10, or 9 days out of 10).
- When I don't eat well, I'll eat OK, 9 times out of 10.
- One time in 100, I'll eat shitty crap and too much of it.
- Exercise at least 1000 calories worth a week.
- Weigh daily.
When I need to get back on track:
- Exercise more and harder
- Shake up the food routine with juicing.
Stuff is going to happen. What's saved me recently after I pulled the achilles tendon playing soccer is to look at the rules. I don't think of it as optional. I didn't want to exercise. I couldn't run (still can't). But I set a rule for myself to work out 1000 calories each week, so I had to figure something out. And I did. I used the elliptical. Unfortunately, I think I used it too hard on Sunday and pulled a muscle in my rib cage. So tonight I'm going to change again and do a workout video, either step or pilates. The pilates won't burn many calories, so I'll have to work out more days to get 1000 calories in this week.
I don't get any days off from watching myself. There is no such thing as a vacation from these rules. They're not unreasonably hard. I think one meal in 100 is completely reasonable for a pig out. Allowed, but not often. I can live with that.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Going Out
We're having a girls night out tonight in Saratoga. It's one of those nights that probably won't even start until 10, a time that normally sees me fast asleep. I'm pretty excited about it. I haven't done something like this in a long, long time.
I'm feeling pretty good. I just weighed myself and see that I've taken off the extra poundage I put on with all that restaurant eating last weekend. It was tough! I had monster carb cravings all week, but stuck to the plan and finally, yesterday, my body surrendered. That was four days of torture that I had to endure because I ate too many carbs over last weekend and my body got used to them. On Monday I was 181. Just now, I'm back to 178, which translates to 177-ish tomorrow morning.
So, I don't want to ruin it by eating out again! That's why I just finished eating dinner. Some turkey, sweet potato and dried cranberries that hopefully will keep me full for hours and hours. I wasn't hungry and hesitated to eat (because that's been one of my big, big weaknesses - eating when I'm not hungry). But the alternative is being starving with a restaurant menu in my hand, which I really don't want to happen.
Also - in honor of girls night out, I put on a completely risky skirt and my reward boots that I bought a month ago. For those of you that remember how humungous my rear end used to be, you can understand why this skirt feels really on the edge for me. Not like it draws attention to a certain body part or anything!
I still need pictures to tell me what I look like. I would always look in the mirror and think I looked just fine until I would see the pictures and think, Who is that fat cow? Oh yeah, it's me! I had such a distorted body image. I thought I was thinner than I really was. But the pictures never lied to me.
Anyway - I'm going to swallow the little voice that's telling me to wear something less "out there," and rock this outfit. Even more, I'm gonna wear red gloves, a red scarf and a red purse. So there! I still feel like a big cow, but the weight tables tell me I'm less than 10 pounds away from normal weight. I think I've earned the right to wear a flashy, tight skirt. And wear it proudly, I will!
See, y'all later!
I'm feeling pretty good. I just weighed myself and see that I've taken off the extra poundage I put on with all that restaurant eating last weekend. It was tough! I had monster carb cravings all week, but stuck to the plan and finally, yesterday, my body surrendered. That was four days of torture that I had to endure because I ate too many carbs over last weekend and my body got used to them. On Monday I was 181. Just now, I'm back to 178, which translates to 177-ish tomorrow morning.
So, I don't want to ruin it by eating out again! That's why I just finished eating dinner. Some turkey, sweet potato and dried cranberries that hopefully will keep me full for hours and hours. I wasn't hungry and hesitated to eat (because that's been one of my big, big weaknesses - eating when I'm not hungry). But the alternative is being starving with a restaurant menu in my hand, which I really don't want to happen.
Also - in honor of girls night out, I put on a completely risky skirt and my reward boots that I bought a month ago. For those of you that remember how humungous my rear end used to be, you can understand why this skirt feels really on the edge for me. Not like it draws attention to a certain body part or anything!
I still need pictures to tell me what I look like. I would always look in the mirror and think I looked just fine until I would see the pictures and think, Who is that fat cow? Oh yeah, it's me! I had such a distorted body image. I thought I was thinner than I really was. But the pictures never lied to me.
Anyway - I'm going to swallow the little voice that's telling me to wear something less "out there," and rock this outfit. Even more, I'm gonna wear red gloves, a red scarf and a red purse. So there! I still feel like a big cow, but the weight tables tell me I'm less than 10 pounds away from normal weight. I think I've earned the right to wear a flashy, tight skirt. And wear it proudly, I will!
See, y'all later!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Family Visit
So, my father was in town for a visit last weekend and we did pretty much exactly what I thought we'd do which is eat out. A lot. I tried to be smart about it, but my defenses wore down. Then I had a golf tournament yesterday and ate out again a few times. Yuk.
I'm going to put it out there because it's a fact. I'm not going to make any excuses except to say that this is one of those things that needs to happen very rarely. And I need to make it stop right now. I'm up 4 pounds since Friday, to 181.4. I do not want to add to the chorus of bloggers who write the same thing while going up and up and up
This morning, I made my standard breakfast of 3 eggs, veggies and meat to have at work after 10 am. I made my standard lunch of mixed greens. I have an apple, an orange, 3 ounces of prosciutto and some red grapes for snacks. Right after I hit post, I'm going to put together my workout clothes to take to work with me.
I don't think the standard stuff is the right thing to do right now. It took me a *month* to lose that 4 pounds that I just put back on in 4 days. What makes me mad is that I saw 175 a few weeks ago. I have pork tenderloin and black bean stew already made, but I think I might juice for dinner and a few more times over the week. I should work out pretty hard and probably IF (intermittent fast), to get my system shaken up and losing again. I'll keep you posted.
I'm going to put it out there because it's a fact. I'm not going to make any excuses except to say that this is one of those things that needs to happen very rarely. And I need to make it stop right now. I'm up 4 pounds since Friday, to 181.4. I do not want to add to the chorus of bloggers who write the same thing while going up and up and up
This morning, I made my standard breakfast of 3 eggs, veggies and meat to have at work after 10 am. I made my standard lunch of mixed greens. I have an apple, an orange, 3 ounces of prosciutto and some red grapes for snacks. Right after I hit post, I'm going to put together my workout clothes to take to work with me.
I don't think the standard stuff is the right thing to do right now. It took me a *month* to lose that 4 pounds that I just put back on in 4 days. What makes me mad is that I saw 175 a few weeks ago. I have pork tenderloin and black bean stew already made, but I think I might juice for dinner and a few more times over the week. I should work out pretty hard and probably IF (intermittent fast), to get my system shaken up and losing again. I'll keep you posted.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
OK, I'm in.
1) I am how many years old, weigh this much, and aspire to weigh this much....
I am 46 years old, weigh 178 and want to weigh 169. This time last year, I was 250. I've lost 70 pounds in the last year, ~100 total. I'm less than 10 pounds to goal.
2) I am following a great plan, and this is what I do....
Eat the same things for breakfast and lunch most days. Spend about 700-800 calories on breakfast, lunch and snacks, leaving me 400-500 for dinner.
Because I'm close to goal, I'll eat out 1-2x per week. But, since even "smart" restaurant food adds up so quickly, I have to eat ~1200 cals per day every other day.
Put breakfast off until 10am on weekdays; wait until noon, if I can on weekends.
Make and bring my breakfast and lunch to work.
Burn >1000 calories per week in exercise.
Weigh myself every day.
When I was in major weight-loss mode, I used myfitnesspal to track every morsel of food and every minute of exercise.
3) When faced with a decision of whether to eat something in moderation or abstain, I choose to....
Moderation for me is a tablespoon. That's all I need to get a taste. If I don't think I can stop there, I'll abstain.
4) I am employed as this, or I am not working but used to be this...
I am employed full-time as a Chemical Engineer
5) I have pets, and they are, named....
I have a dog (Maggie) and a cat (Sparky).
6) My favorite snack food is.... and I can eat this many of them....
I don't think it's a good idea to have a favorite snack food. I don't have the luxury of eating when I'm not hungry, or eating empty calories. Between meals, if I'm hungry, I'll eat protein, like deli meat or beef jerky or fruit. (To answer truthfully, my favorite snack food is buttered popcorn. I only allow it for myself a couple of times a year. I've been jonesing for it for a few weeks now - haven't succumbed yet!)
7) I blog because......
I started this weight loss blog to help me lose weight. None of my friends in real life are interested in all the stupid details of what I ate and why, or how I felt about food-related stuff. I blogged to work out why I slipped (to make it easier to see a slip coming better next time, or even avoid it). I blogged to share my experience and learn from other weight loss bloggers who are doing it better than me. I'm close to goal and expect that I'll close down this blog soon. I hope I never gain enough weight to come back to blogging about weight loss! Sorry folks, but for me, success means stopping this blog.
I read other people's blogs to remind myself about how much discipline it takes to stay at a normal weight. I see that other people who are success stories never stop working at this. Never ever.
Thanks...
I am 46 years old, weigh 178 and want to weigh 169. This time last year, I was 250. I've lost 70 pounds in the last year, ~100 total. I'm less than 10 pounds to goal.
2) I am following a great plan, and this is what I do....
Eat the same things for breakfast and lunch most days. Spend about 700-800 calories on breakfast, lunch and snacks, leaving me 400-500 for dinner.
Because I'm close to goal, I'll eat out 1-2x per week. But, since even "smart" restaurant food adds up so quickly, I have to eat ~1200 cals per day every other day.
Put breakfast off until 10am on weekdays; wait until noon, if I can on weekends.
Make and bring my breakfast and lunch to work.
Burn >1000 calories per week in exercise.
Weigh myself every day.
When I was in major weight-loss mode, I used myfitnesspal to track every morsel of food and every minute of exercise.
3) When faced with a decision of whether to eat something in moderation or abstain, I choose to....
Moderation for me is a tablespoon. That's all I need to get a taste. If I don't think I can stop there, I'll abstain.
4) I am employed as this, or I am not working but used to be this...
I am employed full-time as a Chemical Engineer
5) I have pets, and they are, named....
I have a dog (Maggie) and a cat (Sparky).
6) My favorite snack food is.... and I can eat this many of them....
I don't think it's a good idea to have a favorite snack food. I don't have the luxury of eating when I'm not hungry, or eating empty calories. Between meals, if I'm hungry, I'll eat protein, like deli meat or beef jerky or fruit. (To answer truthfully, my favorite snack food is buttered popcorn. I only allow it for myself a couple of times a year. I've been jonesing for it for a few weeks now - haven't succumbed yet!)
7) I blog because......
I started this weight loss blog to help me lose weight. None of my friends in real life are interested in all the stupid details of what I ate and why, or how I felt about food-related stuff. I blogged to work out why I slipped (to make it easier to see a slip coming better next time, or even avoid it). I blogged to share my experience and learn from other weight loss bloggers who are doing it better than me. I'm close to goal and expect that I'll close down this blog soon. I hope I never gain enough weight to come back to blogging about weight loss! Sorry folks, but for me, success means stopping this blog.
I read other people's blogs to remind myself about how much discipline it takes to stay at a normal weight. I see that other people who are success stories never stop working at this. Never ever.
Thanks...
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