I wrote a post about a week ago and it's not up because they changed our internet security settings and I can't attach pictures from work any more. I meant to add the pics from home, but haven't gotten to it in a week. It's time to let that post go and write another one, just to keep in touch.
183.8 this morning. I was up 5 pounds last week because of a lot of socializing and eating out and lack of self control around carbs. I was worried that I was back to my old eating habits, but I was good over the weekend and this week so far and I'm close to my lowest of 183.2 last week. I've only lost 10 pounds in the last 3 months, but I'll take it! I'm still losing! I'm less than 15 pounds away from my goal! 90+ pounds gone for good!
I haven't been exercising as much because I'm freakin' busy (!), and it's freakin' hot (!!). It means I have to eat even less in order to stay stable or go down a little, but that's not sacrifice. It's a choice. Exercise and get to eat the calories or don't exercise and don't get to eat as much. Period.
I'm glad Allan is blogging again. I'm endlessly thankful that I was finally able to move past my 15 years of struggling with my weight but not losing and *finally* made it over the hump. I remember the justifications I used to make so that I could eat fettucini alfredo and drink bunches day after day. I remember feeling helpless and out of control at 276 pounds, while I ate enough calories to stay stable. I don't know exactly what changed at the beginning of September last year, but something clicked and the last 10 months and 92 pounds have been easy, relatively speaking. Oh, the physical work of counting calories, planning food, planning exercise, etc were very hard, don't get me wrong - but the emotional part of it was easy. I finally made myself a priority, started to take care of myself, and the rest was really very easy.
I don't ever want to go back to the helpless, fat person I was. Reading Allan's blog as he highlights the same behavior in others that I used to do, reminds me how foreign that thought process is to me now. I hope it stays foreign!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Yay Monday!
Not so much. 184.6 this morning. Still going slowly down! I can't remember what I ended the Eve to Easter challenge at, but I think it was 198 or something just under 200.
My mother was staying with me for the last 10 days and I did OK, (not great) while she was here. She's very supportive, so the only reason I ate more than I wanted to was because her foods were in the house and I don't have very much self control. I did successfully throw away some mac and cheese and some icing that I knew would end up in my belly. I'd rather waste a few bucks on food than re-lose this weight.
In a small way it is nice to get back to my routine. My social life is taking off and my lack of self control is a little scary - last night a group of us were eating dinner that someone made and it was good! I caught myself eating 3 (three!) pieces of spice bread. I'm so familiar with longingly looking at bread and the looks at other people, "is anyone going to eat the last few pieces?" I was the only one that ate 3 pieces of bread, but then I was the only fat girl at the table. Or rather former fat girl.
The whole FWB thing with Dude isn't really working for me. He still gets too much real estate in my head and my life isn't better for having him in it. But I'm still a little attached and not ready to cut the string. I'm focusing on strengthening my relationships with other friends and hoping that soon my head will be so full of good times with friends that Dude will get pushed out. I.e, I'll stop caring one way or the other what Dude is doing. It's definitely taking longer to get to the point of not caring than if I had just cut it off cleanly a month ago.
A few people have said that I look like I don't need to lose more weight - but I'm afraid to let myself eat more. I'm doing really well for the first half of the day, and most days of the week I'm doing OK at dinner. But 2-3-4 evenings a week are something social and all bets are off. My only saving grace is that I ate well earlier in the day. I could probably maintain eating this way forever... It is working for me. I'm running about 3x a week and have increased my distance to 2 miles without walking, and using about 450 calories per workout, 4 miles total. I want to get to be able to run 3 miles without stopping - but I really want to become more athletic, like playing on a soccer team or a field hockey team. That way exercise is just part of my life instead of something special. Plus - I get out and meet people, like maybe a future Mr Right!
Peace out, y'all!
My mother was staying with me for the last 10 days and I did OK, (not great) while she was here. She's very supportive, so the only reason I ate more than I wanted to was because her foods were in the house and I don't have very much self control. I did successfully throw away some mac and cheese and some icing that I knew would end up in my belly. I'd rather waste a few bucks on food than re-lose this weight.
In a small way it is nice to get back to my routine. My social life is taking off and my lack of self control is a little scary - last night a group of us were eating dinner that someone made and it was good! I caught myself eating 3 (three!) pieces of spice bread. I'm so familiar with longingly looking at bread and the looks at other people, "is anyone going to eat the last few pieces?" I was the only one that ate 3 pieces of bread, but then I was the only fat girl at the table. Or rather former fat girl.
The whole FWB thing with Dude isn't really working for me. He still gets too much real estate in my head and my life isn't better for having him in it. But I'm still a little attached and not ready to cut the string. I'm focusing on strengthening my relationships with other friends and hoping that soon my head will be so full of good times with friends that Dude will get pushed out. I.e, I'll stop caring one way or the other what Dude is doing. It's definitely taking longer to get to the point of not caring than if I had just cut it off cleanly a month ago.
A few people have said that I look like I don't need to lose more weight - but I'm afraid to let myself eat more. I'm doing really well for the first half of the day, and most days of the week I'm doing OK at dinner. But 2-3-4 evenings a week are something social and all bets are off. My only saving grace is that I ate well earlier in the day. I could probably maintain eating this way forever... It is working for me. I'm running about 3x a week and have increased my distance to 2 miles without walking, and using about 450 calories per workout, 4 miles total. I want to get to be able to run 3 miles without stopping - but I really want to become more athletic, like playing on a soccer team or a field hockey team. That way exercise is just part of my life instead of something special. Plus - I get out and meet people, like maybe a future Mr Right!
Peace out, y'all!
Monday, July 2, 2012
Picture Day
186 this morning. I've lost about 4 pounds in the last month. Not moving fast compared to the 10 pounds a month I was doing in my losing phase, but generally moving in the right direction. I'm OK with that. I LOVE being able to feel my hips when I lay down. I LOVE being able to really cross my legs. Over the weekend I saw my aunt and uncle for the first time in 2 years - they're amazed at how I look. When I said that I have about 20 pounds to go, they said I looked like I can stop losing now. That felt good!
Even though my final goal is 17 pounds away, I am currently at the weight I was able to maintain successfully for years (from 1992-ish through 1997-ish).
The last few weeks have had some picture opportunities - so here they are:
I'm the one on the green shirt on the far right (with the big glasses)
I'm hanging with thin people and not feeling out of place! The girls said that my mismatched board short bathing suit (below) looked fine and like it was meant to look that way. I think they were just being nice because my suit is obviously a Salvation Army special. No human that I'm not sleeping with is ever going to see my rippled formerly huge thighs!
And finally - this showed up on my Yahoomail login screen. So funny! The creepy internet stalker program knows I'm a girl and somehow knows about my interest in firefighting (!! ??) - yoo hoo stalker program - it's because I AM a firefighter, not because I want to DO a firefighter! (well... hm)
Even though my final goal is 17 pounds away, I am currently at the weight I was able to maintain successfully for years (from 1992-ish through 1997-ish).
The last few weeks have had some picture opportunities - so here they are:
I'm the one on the green shirt on the far right (with the big glasses)
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