Thursday

I wrote a post about a week ago and it's not up because they changed our internet security settings and I can't attach pictures from work any more. I meant to add the pics from home, but haven't gotten to it in a week.  It's time to let that post go and write another one, just to keep in touch.

183.8 this morning.  I was up 5 pounds last week because of a lot of socializing and eating out and lack of self control around carbs.  I was worried that I was back to my old eating habits, but I was good over the weekend and this week so far and I'm close to my lowest of 183.2 last week.  I've only lost 10 pounds in the last 3 months, but I'll take it!  I'm still losing!  I'm less than 15 pounds away from my goal!  90+ pounds gone for good!

I haven't been exercising as much because I'm freakin' busy (!), and it's freakin' hot (!!).  It means I have to eat even less in order to stay stable or go down a little, but that's not sacrifice.  It's a choice.  Exercise and get to eat the calories or don't exercise and don't get to eat as much.  Period.

I'm glad Allan is blogging again.  I'm endlessly thankful that I was finally able to move past my 15 years of struggling with my weight but not losing and *finally* made it over the hump.  I remember the justifications I used to make so that I could eat fettucini alfredo and drink bunches day after day. I remember feeling helpless and out of control at 276 pounds, while I ate enough calories to stay stable.  I don't know exactly what changed at the beginning of September last year, but something clicked and the last 10 months and 92 pounds have been easy, relatively speaking. Oh, the physical work of counting calories, planning food, planning exercise, etc were very hard, don't get me wrong - but the emotional part of it was easy.  I finally made myself a priority, started to take care of myself, and the rest was really very easy.

I don't ever want to go back to the helpless, fat person I was.  Reading Allan's blog as he highlights the same behavior in others that I used to do, reminds me how foreign that thought process is to me now. I hope it stays foreign!