The Story About the Cat

175.6 this morning.
I'm still doing OK and gotta remember that.

My cat died yesterday.  He seemed fine on Monday.  I came home at lunchtime on Tuesday and saw that he'd pooped out part of his insides.  So I ran him to the vet for an operation.  He came home Tuesday night, but didn't get better.  I came home from work yesterday and he was stiff and cold.

I guess I'm still processing it.  I haven't cried yet, but I am clinically noting that I have a really strong desire for food, along with a knowledge that I am not hungry.

Since I hurt my achilles tendon over a month ago, I haven't been able to run.  I confirmed that when I tried to run Monday and re-hurt the tendon.  It's pissing me off, and my exercise has been really spotty.

I'm typing this up to be accountable to myself. 

This is the time to note that these things happen and keep going the best that I can.  I have given in to some extra food today, a white and black cookie and some fudge just now have me uncomfortably full (because I ate an apple before the cookie and some grapes before the fudge).  The food doesn't help me. It's not a treat, or a way to be good to myself.  It's a way to avoid pain.  It would be much better if I would just allow myself to feel what I'm feeling, which is rotten.  I'm trying to keep myself to 1/2, 1/4 or 1/10th of what I want to eat. 

It's like the triple whammy.  I feel bad, so I want to eat more.  I feel bad so I don't want to exercise. Both of those things make me feel worse, which spirals back around.  Reminder to self.  Don't let the spiral start!

Eat a little and note that it's not making me feel better. 
Meditate and feel my feelings.
Don't give myself any excuses.
Try not to do too much damage.
Don't stop exercising
Don't let the spiral start!