The week's been hard in other ways. I haven't seen Dude in almost 2 weeks. We only knew each other a month before this, so 2 weeks is a big chunk. My abandonment-centered worldview doesn't take stuff like this well. Plus, he did the typical guy thing of not thinking about keeping the communication lines open, which would bother even a normal woman (thanks for your comments Sunday BTW! It helped!).
I've been super tense all week. Spent most of the time certain we weren't going to survive the separation. When he finally called a few days ago, I did the typical woman thing of shitting all over his good time. So it's been a tough week. We'll see each other tonight, finally. I'm SO hoping that we'll come out understanding each other better. I'm finally feeling more positive about the whole thing. At least not so negative.
The cool thing is that I didn't retreat into macaroni and cheese or my old friend fettucini alfredo. I worked out hard yesterday to get out some of the negativity, and then listened to a meditation thing. I didn't even consider binging, but boy, my uncomfortable feelings had me grasping for stuff to not feel so bad. Mindfullness says that I should not avoid the bad feelings or seek out good feelings - but wow, it was tough. I had feelings I don't have names for - I'm so unaccustomed to them. Feelings, that is.
My challenge pants fit! They're Levi's misses size 16. I also have a pair of normal size 12s that fit as well. I could wear them out as long as I don't sit down! I'll post pics on Sunday to close this challenge.
I've written it before, but it deserves saying again - this challenge and the CDCC made ALL the difference! If I hadn't stumbled on Mir's blog by following a comment she made on Whole Health Source, I'd still weigh 260 pounds. I can't thank my lucky stars and Mir enough for letting me into the CDCC!
Mir has helped all of us here... It's been so great. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you get to see the man and talk things out. I hope that you'll be able to get a sense of stability. I understand that grasping thing... and feelings you don't have names for... So well put.