Weekend Wake Up

So I was merrily progressing on my can't-decide-whether-to-maintain-at-195-or-sprint-to-185-or-170-pounds this weekend.  That is, I was eating like a maintainer and hoping for losses like a loser.  It started with wings and a rib dinner with sweet potato fries on Friday  Then Saturday was fried eggs for breakfast, pulled pork, baked beans and cole slaw for lunch, and pizza and beer for dinner.  Sunday was leftovers. 

I noticed some things that really distress me.

First: I was hungry. A lot.  I've learned what physical hunger feels like in the last few months, and this was not that kind of hunger.  There's no good reason for me to need to eat 2 hours after a meal.

Second: My reaction to that hunger was to want to eat.  Worse - a few times that's exactly what I did.  Like last night.  Two hours after I had the leftover ribs, I was hungry again.  It was going to be either cottage cheese or leftover icing (yeah - why exactly did I keep that stuff anyway when I should know that I'm not past eating like a fat person?).  Yup - I had the icing.

Third: I was eating differently, and not in a good way.  There was a LOT of the pulled pork lunch.  A month ago I would have mindfully eaten about half of it before getting full and stopping.  I would have had no problem throwing away the extra.  On Saturday, I inhaled half of it.  Then I tried to give away the rest.  When there were no takers, I inhaled the rest - and could have eaten more.

Fourth: I was so proud that my stomach is smaller and fills up more quickly than before.  Except that it seems to have instantly gotten bigger again.

Fifth:  even though I've been migrating to tighter, more fitted clothing lately, I noticed that I've been wanting to wear looser clothes the last few days.

So, I'm up again.  Yesterday afternoon it was over 200, but this morning it was 198.8.  Turns out that I'm not immune to instantly going back to my old habits after all.  I went for the short term pleasure of eating whatever I want - multiple times.

So.  What happened, what am I doing, and what did I learn?

What happened: It's possible that this hunger stuff is pre-TOM speaking.  It's likely that the prepared foods were highly palatable and ignited some cravings. I was also with Dude and fell into the trap of wishfully thinking that I could eat like a normal person.  I think all three happened.

What I am doing:  I am wearing my challenge pants today (and a blousy top because of the muffin-toppage).  Yup, they're tight and not comfortable. But I am not going to let this trend continue for even another minute.  I'm going to be rigorous about not eating breakfast until 10am (it's been scootching earlier over the last week).  I'm going to exercise every day this week, M thru F.  And I'm going to replace 3 meals with juice this week.  Also, I'm going to rigorously track in MFP, which I've slacked on lately.

What did I learn: Just because I have 7 months of healthy eating behind me doesn't mean I can relax.  I have to keep doing the tricks I learned:  eat for flavor and satiety not for volume, eat mindfully, feed false hunger signals with fluids not food, be vigilant ALL the time.  Every bite I put in my mouth is another chance to make good choices.  Lastly - you can't out-exercise a bad diet.

One final thought I'm pondering:  I was looking forward to being challenge-free, but I'm wondering if the accountability of regularly reporting my weight made that much difference in my daily behaviors.  Ie - I'm wondering if I should get my ass back into a challenge - soonest.

Peace y'all - I hope you had great weekends!