Coming up on a Year

I took some progress pictures last night as I went through my clothes (again!) and got rid of the too-big ones.  This time it's the size 16s that are too big.  I went back through my suits and got rid of some 20s and 22s that I just couldn't bear to donate before.  I'm pretty sure now that I'm not going to wear them ever again.  Firstly because I don't wear suits for work any more, and secondly, they are all waaay too big.

August 31st is the one-year anniversary of the first post on this blog.  I was 261 pounds.  This morning I am 181.6 (this week's low was 179.8), for 80 pounds lost in a year.

I put together a clashing outfit of Salvation Army clothes and then realized that I like the way it looks!

These pants are Levis' size 12!  That was my goal - to wear size 12s.  I'm still mostly in 14s, but am wearing Target jeans in size 12 and these Levis.

My starting pics aren't on this computer, but sometime in the next week or so I'll post the comparison shots to show how far I've come.  I weigh what I weighed 15-20 years ago!

I'm still doing a maintain-y - diet-y thing where I'm good most days of the week.  Last night was the first time in *ages* that I binged.  I just had to have nachos, even though I had perfectly good, healthy food at home.  I think it was because some of my friends are beginning to depend on me a little, and I'm uncomfortable with that.  A friend of mine is having brain surgery on Sept 10th and I think I'm going to step up and coordinate a group of us to make sure she always has someone with her for the first month, including food, etc, etc.  I've avoided entanglements like this, but really, it's something I need to do.  For her - and for my growth as a whole person.

Because my weight was only a symptom of what was going on inside me, I'm working with a therapist on  my relationships with people, finding good friends who I can be my real self with, opening up and trusting more, softening and opening my heart, and living in the present.  The therapist happens to be overweight herself, so she "gets" me that way.  Ultimate success in keeping my weight off is going to depend on allowing myself to feel what I'm feeling instead of stuffing it down.  So, yeah, I ate the nachos last night and I'm not down on myself for doing it.  I felt something I couldn't deal with without the help of food. It didn't even occur to me to work out instead of eating.  I understand more about myself today than I did yesterday, which will (maybe) help me avoid the binge next time.

Peace, y'all!