Looks Bad but Feels So Good

181.2 this morning.  The weekend's debauchery caught up with me and I went up a pound.  Still seesawing around the same 2 pounds, up and down.  But still, it's 83 pounds less than I was today last year, and really close to my goal of <170. I'm still going down - just very slowly.

I started Allan's challenge this morning and have been good so far.  After I post this, I'm going to elliptical for 30 minutes in front of the TV (soccer practice was cancelled due to rain).  Next Monday I'll start Rebecca's challenge.  I'm going to give these things my all - and wherever I end up at the end of the year will mark the end of my "weight loss" phase and the beginning of my "maintenance" phase.  185 is the lowest I was ever able to maintain as an adult (15 years ago!).  I'm going to try hard to get 15 pounds below that, into *normal* weight category for my height - but I don't really expect to be able to maintain it long term below 185.

So - I've been thinking about buying myself some rewards.  Here's what I got today - some f*** me pumps and a red fitted dress! From Target!  The pumps make me look like a bad girl - and I love it!!

Here's how I'll probably really wear it. With leggings, and a sweater.

Finally, here are the pictures I took when I started Princess Dieter's Christmas Dress Challenge last year.  These were taken on September 1st, 2011... If anything, I'm holding my tummy IN, because those pants were so tight last year.  (I gave them away a few months ago - too big.)

Or these pictures...

Pretty horrible.  I still have a substantial ass, but now at least, it doesn't have it's own zip code!

So what was the magic thing that worked?

First, I had a reason to lose weight.  I was 45 years old, and was/am a volunteer firefighter in an aging neighborhood.  We get multiple calls every week because someone has fallen down and can't get up.  Can you imagine falling down and having to call 911 because you can't lift yourself from the floor?  After seeing it so many times, I realized that that will be me in 20 years if I don't get healthier.

At 276 pounds (or 264, which is where I started the CDCC), I couldn't think about being 170 pounds.  I had to think about being 10 pounds lighter than I was.  I always focused on the next 10 pounds.  Only that.

I used myfitnesspal to log every bite I ate and every workout I did.  I didn't cheat. Ever. Oh yeah, I had a few unplanned excursions - but it was a few in 9 months. Not a few every month.  The feature in myfitnesspal that says at the close of the day, "If every day is like today, you'll weigh xxx pounds in 5 weeks," kept me visualizing myself at xxx pounds.  It really helped.

I read weight loss blogs like some people read the bible.  I used other people's experiences to help maintain my strength to continue.  I tried to read people who were better at it than me and avoid people who were not succeeding. I spent endless hours on Pinterest, in the fitness category.  It made me feel like it was possible to win at this.

And finally, I realized that my weight was about more than putting food in my mouth.  Being fat was a symptom of something else, like not being able to handle feelings, or some junk like that.  I took a mindfullness based stress reduction class and learned how to meditate.  I started therapy to try and address the reasons why I ate.  Therapy is why I think I might not fall back into using food for comfort. That, and meditation.  And exercise.

I'm not at the end yet!  But last week when I was 179, I was 10 pounds away from my goal.  Last year, I pooh poohed people who participated in the CDCC when they were so close to goal weight. And now I'm one of them.  I'm still thinking 10 pounds ahead of where I am now - but now that 10 pounds will get me to goal!