I was really nervous last week, because I didn't know the camping people very well (in most cases I'd met them only once or twice), and it could have been a very long, very lonely weekend. So last week when I had uncontrollable urges to stuff my face with everything carby that exists, I knew why. I was only a little successful at resisting the urges, but managed to semi control portion sizes. I didn't exercise last week either. Funny how when I'm under that kind of stress, my first tendency is to dump good habits in favor of eating starch, sugar and laying in front of the TV. It feels like comfort, but really isn't.
Then I was dumped by Dude Monday night, and started a whole new kind of stress. This is the stress that makes my stomach tie up in knots and makes it difficult to eat at all. It's also the kind of stress that makes me turn to exercise to feel better. Like an idiot yesterday, I asked Dude if we could meet, and we're getting together in an hour. I was originally thinking it would be closure, but I've been regretting it and getting tied up even more all day. Completely unable to focus on work. At 2, I thought, "I HAVE to go running." That's the only thing that's going to calm me down and give me enough perspective to make it through this.
It really did help that I ran. I'm calmer and I've found a tiny bit of peace - for now. It drove out all the words and questions running around in my head and helped me see how I should approach this. As positively as possible. It's pretty cool that exercise can do that!!
I was 189.2 this morning - so even through all the stress, I've maintained and gone down a tich. I'm gonna try to hold on until I can see brightness and good again. I know it's there somewhere.
It's good that you recognize why you want carbs and can control your portions to some extent. I remember the lump in the throat when you're heartsick. It has been awhile, but it's a feeling I will never forget.
ReplyDeleteI hope your stressors improve soon, and that you can either find closure or give it another chance with the man. Just don't let it all derail your weight loss efforts. And I believe you have a handle on it.
I'm sorry that things suck so much for both of us right now. I can't even imagine wanting to sit down and talk with S right now; I'm avoiding facebook and gmail like the plague so I don't give in in a moment of weakness and contact him. The first thing I did was delete his number from my phone so that I wouldn't text him when I was feeling sad. I hope that your meeting went as well as possible--my thoughts are with you.
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