Monday Monday

190.2 this morning

Last week was a total fail on the diet front.  Well, let me clarify - I worked out OK.  But I ate like a fat person.

For exercise, Monday was 18 holes of golf with a cart, Tuesday was elliptical for 30 minutes and some weights, Wednesday was 9 holes of golf pulling a cart, and Thursday was 45 minutes of weight machines.  Saturday and Sunday were yard work involving a tiller and a weed wacker and boy are my arms sore.

But the food.  Argh - it was awful.  I mean it was good.  Awful.

The golf Monday had free food and drink.  I already wrote about what I ate and drank.  A lot.  I was up 3 pounds Tuesday morning.  Wednesday after golf I had nachos and red wine.  Thursday was 2 food-related social activities after work.  I had waffle fries, fried pickles and 2 drinky-poos at the first one, and I had dessert at the second one, chocolate cake with chocolate sauce and ice cream.  Friday was out to lunch with coworkers for 4 mini hot dogs with chili and onions and then a happy hour after work for 2+ beers and some ahi tuna.

Yesterday was the worst.  I was invited to a Father's Day BBQ where they usually serve food about 1 or 2.  So I had breakfast at noon, figuring I'd go full and not eat/drink so much.  Except the food wasn't ready until 4:30 and by then I was starving!  So it was pretzels with onion dip, deviled eggs, macaroni salad, potato salad and then - after my stomach was uncomfortably full, I had a hot dog that wasn't even very good!  I bought beer and didn't even buy Bud Light.  I bought full calorie Buweiser!

I remember fleeting thoughts about, "this isn't good for you Jordan," but I ignored them.

So, it wasn't just one fail.  It was a string of 7 social occasions where I showed exactly ZERO restraint.  C'mon - in what universe do I need dessert after eating waffle fries with cheese and fried pickles??  It's the same thought process that got me to 276 pounds 2 years ago.

Here's what I'm thinking about:

- What the effing hell happened???  For 9 months I was focused on the greater good of Jordan and had NO problem controlling my intake.  Now I'm like a human vacuum cleaner for food.  Are there emotions going on that I'm trying to stuff?  Well, I'm successfully stuffing them because I have no idea.
- This is a perfect time to meditate, except I keep putting it off in favor of doing yard work or some other kind of work. Also a sign that I'm avoiding something.

- Last week I tried to make workouts a part of my normal life, but I don't think it worked.  First off, I don't love golf that much, and second off, it doesn't feel like I worked out.  I think it'd be better if I set aside time, change clothes, sweat a bunch and then it's over.  Then I'll know that I worked out and maybe I'll feel more inclined to honor my body with good food as well.  I don't get the endorphins when I don't do intense work.  I didn't run at all last week, which may have a little bit to do with the downward trend of my emotions.

- Weeks like last week don't happen very often.  I don't want to play golf even once a week, much less twice.  Once every few weeks is enough golf for me. Most weeks will only have 2-3 social/food events, not 7. I think part of my failure is that I was overwhelmed.  I know all the mechanisms for safe/healthy eating out.  I just need to care enough and have enough emotional energy to apply them.

So - I ran at lunchtime.  I went to the grocery store to stock up on good stuff for the fridge.  I'm going to make time to meditate within the next hour.  I know what I need to do - the tough part is translating that knowledge into action!  All the pieces are there.  It's up to me to put them together.