Friday Update

They changed our internet settings at work and now I can't blog from work.  I can't really complain since I'm supposed to be, um... working ... at work, instead of blogging.  Looks like my updates are going to be less frequent. 

Things are looking pretty good these days.  My emotional rollercoaster has calmed down recently - I wish I knew how much of it is/was hormones or chemical vs real stress.  I didn't meditate as much as I should, but I clung to exercise like it was my life preserver and I ate OK, mostly.  So I mostly stayed below 190, and the last few days have really been moving in the right direction.  185.4 this morning.

I've been wavering - should I work on maintaining, or should I try to lose to get to 170?  I've been more maintain-y than lose-y, and have been a little scared by my eating behavior.  No binges, per se, but I have had a complete lack of control at social events that feature potato salad, macaroni salad, cookies, cheeseburgers, etc, etc.  Any social event, really.  Every single one of those weight spikes in the last month have been because I ignored all the healthy eating behaviors, all the techniques that I know work.  I tried to eat like a normal person.

Here's what I learned from that.  I can't eat like a normal person.  I can't take as much as I want of everything that I want.  I need to have a "rule" to take the place of me deciding what to eat.  Here's what I'm going to try.  I can have potato salad or macaroni salad, but only a tablespoon or so.  That's  plenty for me to get a taste and have the salad "experience," without completely blowing my daily calories out of the water. Same with other creamy things.  For brownies and other dessert-y things.  Half.  I can have half of one piece. Veggies and fruits are basically free.  I can eat as much as I want.  Meats are mostly free, since they're loaded with protein, as long as they don't have creamy, cheesy stuff on top and as long as they're not fatty burgers.


For an update on the other issue I've been writing about - me and Dude got together, chatted about stuff and decided to try the FWB thing.  It's been a week and honestly, it feels better than when we were together.  There's much more space and less contact.  I feel like this is where we should have been a long time ago.  I know these things don't often work out well, but I'm working on making sure I keep my focus on things that add to my life, primarily cultivating friendships.  It's nice to have Dude not be a source of stress and uncertainty, at least for now anyway.