Not Perfect

I just don't feel like being perfect today. 

I had a GREAT workout yesterday.  I did some exercises that left me trembling and me feeling my core all afternoon.  It was wonderful to feel my muscles getting stronger and I could feel myself moving differently, like I wanted everyone to see how ripped I'm getting.  That might be why I had such a great fire drill last night.  I got to drive a truck and operate the pump, and talked to a few folks that I don't normally get a chance to interact with.  I felt SO good, I'm sure my confidence shone through.  (It doesn't hurt that the asshole who gave me so much grief the other month got suspended for giving someone else grief!  A third party told me he wanted to quit after being suspended.  Me = not heartbroken about that.)

I have vacation days to use up, so I took the day off today.  I had a 400-500 calorie breakfast and then didn't think about eating until I was at a yarn shop at 3 - and there was a pizza shop next door.  So I stopped in and had a piece.  Now I'm sitting by the fireplace blogging, with a glass of hard cider next to me.  The only crime is that the pizza wasn't delish.  (Hate to waste calories on anything that isn't heavenly!)  I'll have something healthy to eat when I get hungry later, like mixed greens salad.

When I went below 230 pounds, MFP helpfully recalculated my calorie requirement and now I only get 1200.  I have a problem with that. 

I wasn't so bothered with 1240, but 1200 feels not-doable without starving.  I may force MFP back up to 1300 so I don't feel so stifled, even though the difference is only 100 calories.  If the weight loss slows down, that's not the end of the world. 

On the one hand I want to lose as fast as possible so I can get on with my life.  But on the other hand, this IS the rest of my life.  I put my life on hold for WAY too many years.

I used the body fat thing on my scale this morning.  229.4 pounds, same as yesterday, 40.6% body fat. My scale says my BMR is 1867 calories per day (or my calorie requirements or whatever.  I got the scale in Holland, so the words are in Dutch.)  I think that means 1300 calories per day = 500 calorie deficit per day = 1 pound loss per week.

I'm having no luck turning 15 girl pushups into even ONE guy pushup.  My upper body is not that strong yet.  I tried a pullup and a chinup yesterday.  Can't do those either.

And lastly - I haven't heard from TaxMan since our conversation a week ago.  Guess that was it with him.  I'm not heartbroken about that either.  I deserve to be the center of someone's world, not an occasional dinner date.  The more I think about it, the angrier I get, which isn't a good sign.  It's probably a good time to stop thinking about it!