Another day of no motion on the scale. Honestly, that's OK (at least at this moment it is). I'm still doing the exercise and eating the right amount of calories, practicing how I'm going to live for the rest of my life. It hasn't reached the level of plateau yet, and 250 is where I've gotten stuck before. I'll wait it out for a few more days - continuing to practice right habits - before I kick it up.
My deep thinking yesterday and this morning has been around questions of my identity.
Who am I? What are the things that I like? If I were truly being myself, who would I be?
I think that when my marriage ended 13+ years ago, I started questioning so many things, including my intuition, who/what I choose to spend time with and do. Everything. If I could be so wrong on that major choice, what other choices was I making wrong? Doing that made me not trust my choices or my feelings. I moved and started over a bunch of times, from Cleveland to South Carolina, then Washington DC, then overseas, then Oregon and now upstate NY. All the time growing farther and farther away from ME while developing my career.
It's been easier to start over than it has been to slow down and find myself.
So when I try to answer the question, "If you could utterly be yourself, what would you do," I find that I ... can't! I don't know the answer! Sure, I've been doing stuff all these years, but it's all been to achieve some goal or another.
If I realize that my life is basically perfectly fine as it is, throw all my made up goals out the window and take stuff down to "do I want to do this thing or not?" "will this make me happy or not?", I can start listening to my inner voice again. The meditation class that starts next Tuesday will help.
I'm really enjoying this! It feels good to ask myself what I really want, and then listen.
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