Saturday Sept 3

Got on the scale this morning at 264.4, up 2.2 pounds from the day before.  That's kinda my story.  All factors being the same, my weight fluctuates 2 or so pounds from day to day.  I've been fighting the same 5 pounds for the last 6 months - apparently not fighting hard enough!  I was briefly down to 257 in December/January sometime, in the early times of dating Ernie and I felt loved and cared for, but when he started to get flaky, the weight came back.  Now I'm happy that he's not in my life these days.

Trying to wrap my head around the concept that I might have to eat 1500 calories a day for the rest of my life.  CarbSane asserts that that is what people ate in the olden days, and I suspect she's right.  We've become a fat nation simply by eating more calories.  It's not a magic thing that appeared, or a switch that I can turn off.  I have to ELMM (eat less, move more).

I've had 792 calories so far today.  It's interesting that during the week, I'll be around 1000 by 5:30, leaving me only 500 for dinner.  I've noticed that I eat less on weekends, likely because my mind is occupied with stuff and I'm not bored like at work.  Even hunger doesn't feel the same on weekends.  Hunger feels OK now. I'm not frantically trying to stuff something in my mouth.  In fact, I'm hungry, but thinking that I'll walk Maggie and then come back and make dinner.

The last time I successfully lost weight was after I moved to DC in 2003.  I had a job that was challenging, friends that I hung out with.  I lived in Dad's house, and we touched base a few times a week and had brunch every Sunday.  I didn't even diet, and 30 pounds just melted off in a few months. The only thing I can think of is that it's cortisol, and stress levels.

Here are the measurements I put into FitDay as my start:

It's hot and humid and I feel really blah, like I'm moving at half speed.  There are lots of things I could do, but I can't muster up the oomph to do any of them, except must-do things like laundry.  I wish I had someone I could call and hang out with, but it's not easy to be 45 and starting over and making friends doesn't happen fast (It would help if I were extroverted, but I'm just not.)  I'm feeling very alone and have to remind myself that I have a pretty stinkin good life. I have a good job, a nice place to live, and I'm healthy.  It's gonna spiral into semi-depression soon if I don't do something - like take Maggie for a walk to get us both some exercise, or maybe I'll start C25K again.  (I started it in June, but 2 things happened - Lyme disease and huge heat, and (3) I think I was going too fast in the run phase and hurt myself, 2.8 mph walking and 5-5.1 mph jogging). I think I'll take Maggie for a walk.  See you later!