207.0 this morning. I was down to 206.2 yesterday, but I made one of my old favorites for dinner, macaroni noodles, a can of tuna fish, mayo and dill.
I used to live on pasta. When I lived in Jordan (the country) I made this meal several times a week. Last night, the difference is that I measured the noodles. Exactly 1/2 cup uncooked = 210 calories. One can of tuna fish. One tablespoon of mayo. Lots of dill. 480 calories.
Even with that, my total calories for yesterday were 1253, which is completely reasonable. What was surprising is that I think the pasta gave me trouble sleeping. I also noticed last year when I drastically reduced my pasta intake, that pasta makes me gassy. Lots of fun reasons not to eat much of it!!
I'm a little stunned (in a good way) about the dude I met over the weekend. He grew up in Germany, is an engineer, is into music, is well respected in his company (=good communicator), and just moved to the US 6 months ago. In a big bonus, he's taller than me. It was a little more last-minute than I like, but he did bring dinner over Sunday, for our 3rd date in 2 days. This is 180 degrees different from all the other guys I encountered thru online dating. It's hard to explain, but I felt comfortable right from the beginning, and he says that he did too. He's in Iowa on business, returning Friday, and he says he's looking forward to getting together this weekend (me too!). I have no reason to believe it will happen, but I'm terrified that this one is going to evaporate. Really scared. I like this guy a lot. He makes me feel really good about being me.
Oh well. It's a good chance to practice mindfullness. My entire career is based on making things happen, so it's tough to recognize that I can't control this. It's been a problem for me in the past - me trying to control stuff that can't be controlled.
Time to come back to the 7 essential attitudes:
Nonjudging
Patience
Beginner's Mind
Trust
Nonstriving
Acceptance
Letting Go.
Peace out, y'all!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
E2E Update
206.8 this morning. I gained 2.5 pounds this week, and then lost almost 3, so I'm down from last week's 207.2.
Waist: 36
Hips: 47
Thigh: 28
no change in all measurements (I think)
Eating: did well this week, except for yesterday. Yesterday was eggs benedict for breakfast and Moe's small burrito for dinner, except it had cheese and sour cream on it. (about 1850 calories total food). I ate 2 Chobani greek yogurts this week and they were really tasty, but they messed up my calorie counts on those days, making it harder to stick under 1300 cals.
Exercise: Did OK, ran C25K Sunday and Thursday, weights Monday, took off Tuesday, elliptical Wednesday, 2DVDs Friday, step DVD Saturday. Today I think I'll do C25K w5 mashup, 8 minutes running + 2x 5 minutes today - if the timing works out.
Book: Not this week
Support: I did support my buddy and at least 3 others. Really appreciate the support I've gotten!
Quote: Thoughts become things ... choose the good ones!
Both of yesterday's meals were on dates (with the same guy). Wonderful is a good word to describe yesterday. I may see him again today, but I'm not sure yet. I said I'd make beef stew, but that takes a bunch of time (especially when I have to go buy the beef!). I think I'll go run now, so I'm not trying to fit it in later. See y'all!!
Waist: 36
Hips: 47
Thigh: 28
no change in all measurements (I think)
Eating: did well this week, except for yesterday. Yesterday was eggs benedict for breakfast and Moe's small burrito for dinner, except it had cheese and sour cream on it. (about 1850 calories total food). I ate 2 Chobani greek yogurts this week and they were really tasty, but they messed up my calorie counts on those days, making it harder to stick under 1300 cals.
Exercise: Did OK, ran C25K Sunday and Thursday, weights Monday, took off Tuesday, elliptical Wednesday, 2DVDs Friday, step DVD Saturday. Today I think I'll do C25K w5 mashup, 8 minutes running + 2x 5 minutes today - if the timing works out.
Book: Not this week
Support: I did support my buddy and at least 3 others. Really appreciate the support I've gotten!
Quote: Thoughts become things ... choose the good ones!
Both of yesterday's meals were on dates (with the same guy). Wonderful is a good word to describe yesterday. I may see him again today, but I'm not sure yet. I said I'd make beef stew, but that takes a bunch of time (especially when I have to go buy the beef!). I think I'll go run now, so I'm not trying to fit it in later. See y'all!!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Saturday
207.4 this morning. Dropped 2 pounds overnight. I could tell that was going to happen because I was peeing, like, every 10 minutes yesterday. I did the workouts I planned yesterday (2x 20-minute DVDs), but then didn't have time to make juice before class.
So, um, I don't think I'll be juicing very much this weekend. This morning's date was great! The farmer's market was fun, and so was brunch. I got lobster eggs benedict. Yummy, but I feel a bit full now. We both wanted to see each other again, soon, so our second date is going to be a movie tonight!! ohboyohboyohboy
I really dread finding a boy and losing momentum on my weight loss, but I also really, really want to find a good boy and start something. The feeling of a new relationship is .... aaah ... great. When this guy looks at me he sees a normal person, not someone who's been struggling with her weight. Not someone who's watching every calorie and working out a lot. I'm not throwing that away (no freakin' way!), but right now, this minute, that takes precedence over being a freaky dieter person.
I'm going to do a step video, nap, shower, and then go see a movie with dude. Happy, happy, happy.
So, um, I don't think I'll be juicing very much this weekend. This morning's date was great! The farmer's market was fun, and so was brunch. I got lobster eggs benedict. Yummy, but I feel a bit full now. We both wanted to see each other again, soon, so our second date is going to be a movie tonight!! ohboyohboyohboy
I really dread finding a boy and losing momentum on my weight loss, but I also really, really want to find a good boy and start something. The feeling of a new relationship is .... aaah ... great. When this guy looks at me he sees a normal person, not someone who's been struggling with her weight. Not someone who's watching every calorie and working out a lot. I'm not throwing that away (no freakin' way!), but right now, this minute, that takes precedence over being a freaky dieter person.
I'm going to do a step video, nap, shower, and then go see a movie with dude. Happy, happy, happy.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Friday
209.4 this morning, up another 1/2 pound. Darned TOM and the 2 margaritas I had last night! With salt. I'd have to lose 2.5 pounds overnight to be able to show a loss for the week.
I was busy at work yesterday, so didn't get to the gym until 4. Running was really, really hard. I felt like an elephant, all heavy and loose and jiggly and like I was running through mud. I started out at 5 mph, but slowed it down to 4.8 just to be able to finish the first 8 minutes, the second 5 minutes, and I only made it through 4 minutes of the last 5 minutes. Then my face was all red and sweaty, so I did what I could to neaten up before heading out to happy hour.
Happy hour was fun! The girls have been doing a lot of things I wasn't aware of. They went skiing. They went rock climbing. Had a dinner party. I'm not going to get upset about it. This time 6 months ago, I wasn't invited to anything at all, so the current state of affairs is already progress. I think I'll get invited to more as time goes on, and we build up more good times. They invited me to rock climbing next week, but it's the same night as EMT class. Rats! Every time I say No lowers the chance for me to get invited again, so that hurts. But oh, well.
I'm gonna tag onto Jillian's and Nanette's juicing thing this weekend. I've bought celery, cucumbers, apples, lemons, ginger, fennel and pears, and will buy more as I decide what I need. I'll start tonight. I think I'll have one solid meal Saturday and Sunday and juices for the rest. I'm still going to work out, so if I feel light-headed or weak, I'll adjust the food.
Part of the reason that I'm going to have a solid meal tomorrow is that I'm meeting someone from match. We're going to the farmer's market and then to brunch. All good thoughts about this one. My weight loss has been such a huge factor in my life lately, that it will be weird to meet someone who didn't know me any other way than I am right now. I think of myself as being in transition, from "fat" me to "normal" me, but I don't think that's the way I want to talk about myself.
I want to think about my identity this weekend. Who am I when I'm not a fat person anymore? It's been so many years, moving all over the country and the world, learning how to fit in wherever I am, that I've forgotten what I like to do, what I enjoy. The hole that I used to fill with food, I want to fill it with ME. When I figure out who that is, that is.
Tonight's plan is to do a 20-minute pilates video and the 20-minute Jillian Michaels workout 1, then make juice, then go to EMT class, and hope it ends before 10. It was really, really nice to have a week off from EMT class! Two whole evenings at home in a row. I picked up a knitting project both nights, and remembered that knitting is a really good way to push everything else out of my head. Must. Count. Stitches! I think I'll do more knitting over the weekend!
Send good thoughts for the Saturday meeting, please!! I have high hopes.
I was busy at work yesterday, so didn't get to the gym until 4. Running was really, really hard. I felt like an elephant, all heavy and loose and jiggly and like I was running through mud. I started out at 5 mph, but slowed it down to 4.8 just to be able to finish the first 8 minutes, the second 5 minutes, and I only made it through 4 minutes of the last 5 minutes. Then my face was all red and sweaty, so I did what I could to neaten up before heading out to happy hour.
Happy hour was fun! The girls have been doing a lot of things I wasn't aware of. They went skiing. They went rock climbing. Had a dinner party. I'm not going to get upset about it. This time 6 months ago, I wasn't invited to anything at all, so the current state of affairs is already progress. I think I'll get invited to more as time goes on, and we build up more good times. They invited me to rock climbing next week, but it's the same night as EMT class. Rats! Every time I say No lowers the chance for me to get invited again, so that hurts. But oh, well.
I'm gonna tag onto Jillian's and Nanette's juicing thing this weekend. I've bought celery, cucumbers, apples, lemons, ginger, fennel and pears, and will buy more as I decide what I need. I'll start tonight. I think I'll have one solid meal Saturday and Sunday and juices for the rest. I'm still going to work out, so if I feel light-headed or weak, I'll adjust the food.
Part of the reason that I'm going to have a solid meal tomorrow is that I'm meeting someone from match. We're going to the farmer's market and then to brunch. All good thoughts about this one. My weight loss has been such a huge factor in my life lately, that it will be weird to meet someone who didn't know me any other way than I am right now. I think of myself as being in transition, from "fat" me to "normal" me, but I don't think that's the way I want to talk about myself.
I want to think about my identity this weekend. Who am I when I'm not a fat person anymore? It's been so many years, moving all over the country and the world, learning how to fit in wherever I am, that I've forgotten what I like to do, what I enjoy. The hole that I used to fill with food, I want to fill it with ME. When I figure out who that is, that is.
Tonight's plan is to do a 20-minute pilates video and the 20-minute Jillian Michaels workout 1, then make juice, then go to EMT class, and hope it ends before 10. It was really, really nice to have a week off from EMT class! Two whole evenings at home in a row. I picked up a knitting project both nights, and remembered that knitting is a really good way to push everything else out of my head. Must. Count. Stitches! I think I'll do more knitting over the weekend!
Send good thoughts for the Saturday meeting, please!! I have high hopes.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Thursday
208.8 this morning, up another bit from yesterday. I've been going up since Saturday when I was 206.8. It's TOM. My calories and exercise have both been on track, so I've got no worries about my weight loss going off track. Just the general angsty worries about my life being off track. NBD.
(TOM-fueled, sleep deprived rant ahead)<rant>I get that it's difficult to be my age living in a new place and make new friends, and tough to find someone to be in a relationship with, but geez! I've been here 3 years! I get that this sort of stuff doesn't happen on my schedule, it happens when it happens. I get that the best thing I can do is work on being happy with myself and my life as. it. is. right. now and everything else will take care of itself. But crap. I've been alone for so freakin' long! Just try living alone and having no friends and having a full time job and animals and owning a house full of things that break down. It's not easy! Before you give me advice on how to make friends, I'll tell you that I know how and I'm doing all the right things. My therapist says that other clients of hers have told her it's extremely difficult here. People aren't friendly to outsiders. We've discussed the things I'm doing (the same things that worked great in Washington DC and in South Carolina). I'm confident that what I'm doing will work - hopefully before I die, alone and with no friends! But how much freakin' longer??? PS-I also get that I'm working too hard at it. Working on that too!</rant>
Woke up at 4:24 this morning to go to a call for chest pain, and then stayed up. Got another call at 6:48 for a fire at the grocery store. I'm at work now, but tired! I'm continuing to fit in better with the guys at the firehouse. It helps that I'm one of the 6 or 7 that go to most of the calls, and I'm right in there doing the hard work with everyone else. It's one of the aspects of my life that make me feel really good. Unfortunately, none of these guys are going to be friends.
Every. single. online dating person that I was communicating with has evaporated. The firefighter I wrote about a few weeks ago wrote, "let's meet for coffee," and I said, "sure, it'll have to be Tuesday or over the weekend." (week before last) And I never heard from him again. WTF. Last Wednesday another person wrote," want to get a drink Saturday," and I wrote, "great idea." And that was it. Never heard from him either. Double WTF. I'm emailling with one person right now who seems promising, and having the occasional phone conversation with someone else who I'm kindof losing interest in. Call me odd, but the whole purpose of online dating is to meet people. Not spend a month talking on the phone. My workplace is overflowing with male engineers and operators. Besides me, the firehouse is 100% male. My EMT class is about 75% guys. You can't tell me to go where the guys are. I'm already there. What I need to change is that I need to stop working so hard at it and start being myself, enjoying the things I enjoy and doing the things I like to do. I get it. Working on it.
Feeling the need to have something positive going on, I traipsed to the bathroom to take this picture. I was so focused on hiding my thinning hair up top that I forgot to smile. These pants are Liz Claiborne size 14s from my favorite store, the Salvation Army. See? That's something good! My first size 14s in 10 years.
My plan is to do C25K-ish today, an 8-minute run and then (2) 5-minute runs. Not sure I'll make it since I'm tired, not in the mood and my knees don't feel great. But I'll get out there and give it a shot.
Then the girls are supposed to get together for happy hour. I was thinking that these are the peeps that would turn into friends, but someone posted pics on FB from a dinner party they had that I wasn't invited to. Maybe it was before I started hanging out with them or something. Whatever. I obviously still have work to do.
(TOM-fueled, sleep deprived rant ahead)<rant>I get that it's difficult to be my age living in a new place and make new friends, and tough to find someone to be in a relationship with, but geez! I've been here 3 years! I get that this sort of stuff doesn't happen on my schedule, it happens when it happens. I get that the best thing I can do is work on being happy with myself and my life as. it. is. right. now and everything else will take care of itself. But crap. I've been alone for so freakin' long! Just try living alone and having no friends and having a full time job and animals and owning a house full of things that break down. It's not easy! Before you give me advice on how to make friends, I'll tell you that I know how and I'm doing all the right things. My therapist says that other clients of hers have told her it's extremely difficult here. People aren't friendly to outsiders. We've discussed the things I'm doing (the same things that worked great in Washington DC and in South Carolina). I'm confident that what I'm doing will work - hopefully before I die, alone and with no friends! But how much freakin' longer??? PS-I also get that I'm working too hard at it. Working on that too!</rant>
Woke up at 4:24 this morning to go to a call for chest pain, and then stayed up. Got another call at 6:48 for a fire at the grocery store. I'm at work now, but tired! I'm continuing to fit in better with the guys at the firehouse. It helps that I'm one of the 6 or 7 that go to most of the calls, and I'm right in there doing the hard work with everyone else. It's one of the aspects of my life that make me feel really good. Unfortunately, none of these guys are going to be friends.
Every. single. online dating person that I was communicating with has evaporated. The firefighter I wrote about a few weeks ago wrote, "let's meet for coffee," and I said, "sure, it'll have to be Tuesday or over the weekend." (week before last) And I never heard from him again. WTF. Last Wednesday another person wrote," want to get a drink Saturday," and I wrote, "great idea." And that was it. Never heard from him either. Double WTF. I'm emailling with one person right now who seems promising, and having the occasional phone conversation with someone else who I'm kindof losing interest in. Call me odd, but the whole purpose of online dating is to meet people. Not spend a month talking on the phone. My workplace is overflowing with male engineers and operators. Besides me, the firehouse is 100% male. My EMT class is about 75% guys. You can't tell me to go where the guys are. I'm already there. What I need to change is that I need to stop working so hard at it and start being myself, enjoying the things I enjoy and doing the things I like to do. I get it. Working on it.
My plan is to do C25K-ish today, an 8-minute run and then (2) 5-minute runs. Not sure I'll make it since I'm tired, not in the mood and my knees don't feel great. But I'll get out there and give it a shot.
Then the girls are supposed to get together for happy hour. I was thinking that these are the peeps that would turn into friends, but someone posted pics on FB from a dinner party they had that I wasn't invited to. Maybe it was before I started hanging out with them or something. Whatever. I obviously still have work to do.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
E2E Midweek Update
208.4 this morning, up 0.2 from yesterday.
Yesterday when I got home from work, I weighed myself like I usually do, and was up 4 pounds to 212! Other clues that I'm retaining water are how puffy my hands look - and the fact that I'd eaten normally and drank normally, but not peed a lot. Four real pounds is 14,000 calories - more than I eat in a week! Most of it came back off overnight, but I'll bet this is TOM coming to visit.
My hammies are still sore from Monday's weight workout, and my joints are feeling a little creaky. I had Lyme Disease last year, and since then my knees hurt more often than they used to. I don't have a ton of data since the Lyme (sorry, I'm an engineer geek. Data rocks.), but I'm beginning to think that my knees hurt during TOM.
It's all making me not want to work out. I'll get something in today, but I'm drinking tea and blogging right now, so obviously won't be in the morning! I need a shower and I won't shower until AFTER the workout - good thing I'll be working from home today. Maybe I'll do it during lunch.
I tried a Thai shrimp recipe from Pinterest last night. Ummm, I didn't like it. I think maybe my turmeric wasn't right, if that's even possible. I hate that I wasted $10 of shrimp, but sometimes that happens. Anybody have any good shrimp recipes??? Shrimp seems like a great food; low fat, high protein, tasty.
I bought stuff to juice with. I'm thinking I'll try juicing for a few days, like one real meal and the rest juice. I always feel so good after having juice, but it's a pain having to clean all the parts of the thing immediately.
Hope everyones' week is going well!
Thoughts become things ... choose the good ones!!
Yesterday when I got home from work, I weighed myself like I usually do, and was up 4 pounds to 212! Other clues that I'm retaining water are how puffy my hands look - and the fact that I'd eaten normally and drank normally, but not peed a lot. Four real pounds is 14,000 calories - more than I eat in a week! Most of it came back off overnight, but I'll bet this is TOM coming to visit.
My hammies are still sore from Monday's weight workout, and my joints are feeling a little creaky. I had Lyme Disease last year, and since then my knees hurt more often than they used to. I don't have a ton of data since the Lyme (sorry, I'm an engineer geek. Data rocks.), but I'm beginning to think that my knees hurt during TOM.
It's all making me not want to work out. I'll get something in today, but I'm drinking tea and blogging right now, so obviously won't be in the morning! I need a shower and I won't shower until AFTER the workout - good thing I'll be working from home today. Maybe I'll do it during lunch.
I tried a Thai shrimp recipe from Pinterest last night. Ummm, I didn't like it. I think maybe my turmeric wasn't right, if that's even possible. I hate that I wasted $10 of shrimp, but sometimes that happens. Anybody have any good shrimp recipes??? Shrimp seems like a great food; low fat, high protein, tasty.
I bought stuff to juice with. I'm thinking I'll try juicing for a few days, like one real meal and the rest juice. I always feel so good after having juice, but it's a pain having to clean all the parts of the thing immediately.
Hope everyones' week is going well!
Thoughts become things ... choose the good ones!!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Tuesday
208.2 this morning, up 1.2 pounds from yesterday. I had 2 pieces of pizza last night at fire drill. I should have only had one, but even then, I'd probably have a gain. My weight's been going down really fast in the last week or so, and that *never* lasts long without a bump up. My future life is going to have the occasional piece of pizza in it. Shoulda had only one piece though...
I was tempted to skip posting today because of my slip last night, but I don't plan on being one of those people that disappears when things aren't good. I'll may stop posting (so often) when I get to goal though!!
I'm new to reading Allan's blog. I can see why some people love him and some hate him, but I come back every day to read because it's interesting! He creates controversy, reminding me of the old saw about the news - if it bleeds, it leads. I agree with about half of what he says, but since I'm not here to read only people who think exactly like me, it doesn't bother me when I don't agree with him. It doesn't make it any less interesting.
I read Jillian's post yesterday and stopped dead at the picture of her new doggy. What a cutie pie! It brought back all my desires to get another dog. Here's the story...
I adopted 2 rescue dogs at the same time in fall 2008. One old, one young. The older dog passed last spring, and Maggie has been alone since. I thought about adopting another dog from the rescue organization, and test-kept 2 dogs for a few days (not at the same time!). Both turned out to be nightmare escape artist chicken eaters, so they went back. Here I am near 276, my heaviest in summer 2009, feeding Maggie blueberries from my blueberry bushes.
I was tempted to skip posting today because of my slip last night, but I don't plan on being one of those people that disappears when things aren't good. I'll may stop posting (so often) when I get to goal though!!
I'm new to reading Allan's blog. I can see why some people love him and some hate him, but I come back every day to read because it's interesting! He creates controversy, reminding me of the old saw about the news - if it bleeds, it leads. I agree with about half of what he says, but since I'm not here to read only people who think exactly like me, it doesn't bother me when I don't agree with him. It doesn't make it any less interesting.
I read Jillian's post yesterday and stopped dead at the picture of her new doggy. What a cutie pie! It brought back all my desires to get another dog. Here's the story...
I adopted 2 rescue dogs at the same time in fall 2008. One old, one young. The older dog passed last spring, and Maggie has been alone since. I thought about adopting another dog from the rescue organization, and test-kept 2 dogs for a few days (not at the same time!). Both turned out to be nightmare escape artist chicken eaters, so they went back. Here I am near 276, my heaviest in summer 2009, feeding Maggie blueberries from my blueberry bushes.
She's got a good doggy life. While I'm away, she gets about 1/2 acre to roam in the yard inside an invisible fence. There are dogs next door and people walking by on the street that she can keep track of, so she isn't tremendously bored, other than being alone. I visit the shelters and get close to adopting another dog, but then hesitate. It's a lot of work training a new dog, and a whole new set of opportunities for something major to go wrong or get ruined, and double the money for food and meds. Hm, come to think of it, maybe I'll wait...
Monday, February 20, 2012
Monday
207.0 this morning. Not bad considering I had movie popcorn yesterday. I struggled with whether or not to skip the popcorn or skip the movie altogether, and decided to go for both. I used to go to movies just so that I could eat a whole bucket of popcorn with extra butter. Since I started losing, I've stayed away from movie theaters, afraid I'd fall into a bucket of buttered popcorn. But my future life is going to have movie theaters in it, and it's going to have popcorn in it. It'll just be small, and without butter. It was time to give it a shot.
Even though I could have eaten the whole thing, I stopped after 2/3 of the bag. I'd had the flavor and the popcorn experience - 4 cups was plenty. I couldn't come up with a valid reason to consume it all. (That part was kinda tough since it was sitting on the seat next to me!)
I was prepared for a sodium-related gain this morning, but it didn't happen. Yet, anyway.
Today was a day to do weights at the gym. My muscles are shaking, but MFP says I only burned 144 calories in 1/2 hour. My standard scrambled eggs with veggies this morning, mesclun salad with feta cheese and spicy nuts and ken's lite dressing, pulled pork and cole slaw for lunch and who knows what for dinner (something less than 600 calories).
I lost so much last week that I'm impatient to keep going and get to Onederland NOW! Realistically, it will take a month to get there. I need to calm down and enjoy the process and not screw it up!!!
Even though I could have eaten the whole thing, I stopped after 2/3 of the bag. I'd had the flavor and the popcorn experience - 4 cups was plenty. I couldn't come up with a valid reason to consume it all. (That part was kinda tough since it was sitting on the seat next to me!)
I was prepared for a sodium-related gain this morning, but it didn't happen. Yet, anyway.
Today was a day to do weights at the gym. My muscles are shaking, but MFP says I only burned 144 calories in 1/2 hour. My standard scrambled eggs with veggies this morning, mesclun salad with feta cheese and spicy nuts and ken's lite dressing, pulled pork and cole slaw for lunch and who knows what for dinner (something less than 600 calories).
I lost so much last week that I'm impatient to keep going and get to Onederland NOW! Realistically, it will take a month to get there. I need to calm down and enjoy the process and not screw it up!!!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
E2E Update
207.4 this morning, up a bit from yesterday, but still a loss of 4 pounds this week. I started the E2E challenge at 222. My goal for this challenge is Onederland. I'm on track to git that goal by April Fools Day!
Calories were good this week (1340, 1288, 1152, 1269, 1347, 1463, 1226)
Exercise was good this week (C25K w5d1 x3, elliptical x2, circuit training once). This morning I started the C25K with an 8 minute run - and it wasn't awful! Big problem though - my nips are killing me! What do you runner types do to prevent painful chafing?? Sorry if it's TMI, but ... ouch! I love the sports bra I'm wearing in the below pictures, but it chafes in a different place, at the bottom of the zipper. Also ouch.
Waist: E2E start=36, this morning=36
Hips: E2E start=47-1/2, this morning=47
Thigh: E2E start=28, this morning=28
Outfit fits better. At the E2E start, I couldn't get these pants up my legs. Still can't zip them, and they push up my fat (sorry about the stripey undies), but they might zip by the end of the challenge! They're Levis, Misses size 16. The other 2 pairs of pants I bought to start the E2E challenge fit well now and I regularly wear them. I bought some size 14 pants at the Salvation Army last week (embracing Salvation Army shopping as a treat alternative to eating). The 14s zip, but I can't sit down in them ... yet.
Support: I did the 3 minimum, but not much more.
Book: not this week
I made a recipe from Pinterest yesterday - baked parmesan zucchini fries. Yum.
Allrecipes has been my online recipe source of choice, but Pinterest gives me ideas I may never have thought of. And it's easy to look up the recipes when I'm at the grocery store. Right after I post this post, I'm going to make some pulled pork, South Carolina style! Recipe also from Pinterest.
Have a good week all! Make good choices!
Edit: Oops, I copied the ink to the wrong recipe! Here's the correct one...
Calories were good this week (1340, 1288, 1152, 1269, 1347, 1463, 1226)
Exercise was good this week (C25K w5d1 x3, elliptical x2, circuit training once). This morning I started the C25K with an 8 minute run - and it wasn't awful! Big problem though - my nips are killing me! What do you runner types do to prevent painful chafing?? Sorry if it's TMI, but ... ouch! I love the sports bra I'm wearing in the below pictures, but it chafes in a different place, at the bottom of the zipper. Also ouch.
Waist: E2E start=36, this morning=36
Hips: E2E start=47-1/2, this morning=47
Thigh: E2E start=28, this morning=28
Outfit fits better. At the E2E start, I couldn't get these pants up my legs. Still can't zip them, and they push up my fat (sorry about the stripey undies), but they might zip by the end of the challenge! They're Levis, Misses size 16. The other 2 pairs of pants I bought to start the E2E challenge fit well now and I regularly wear them. I bought some size 14 pants at the Salvation Army last week (embracing Salvation Army shopping as a treat alternative to eating). The 14s zip, but I can't sit down in them ... yet.
Support: I did the 3 minimum, but not much more.
Book: not this week
Quote: Thoughts become things ... choose the good ones!
I made a recipe from Pinterest yesterday - baked parmesan zucchini fries. Yum.
Allrecipes has been my online recipe source of choice, but Pinterest gives me ideas I may never have thought of. And it's easy to look up the recipes when I'm at the grocery store. Right after I post this post, I'm going to make some pulled pork, South Carolina style! Recipe also from Pinterest.
Have a good week all! Make good choices!
Edit: Oops, I copied the ink to the wrong recipe! Here's the correct one...
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| http://pinterest.com/pin/101542166567876596/ |
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Saturday
206.8 this morning. Once again, the Saturday morning woosh down, 1.8 pounds down from yesterday. It's pretty mysterious because in celebration of a Friday off from EMT class, I went out and had 2 beers and brought home an order of calamari for dinner. I didn't work out yesterday either (planned. Part of my 3 days on, 1 day off workout schedule.) I think my weight is pretty random sometimes. I bet everyone a nickel that my weight will be up 2 pounds tomorrow (still a nice loss for the week tho).
It all goes to show how this weight loss thing is the accumulation of tiny actions. Choices made day after day after day. Focus on the small things and the big things take care of themselves.
I know I blog a lot. Being alone, I don't have the support network that many of you have. What I write here is what you guys probably say to family or friends. Writing every day helps me release stuff into the ether. Helps me keep an even keel.
I tend to get down in the winter. What that means is that I sleep a lot. I don't have an excess of energy, so I focus on the minimum that I have to do to get through the days. I drop my clothes on the floor where I take them off and piles build up. Mail piles up on the counter along with everything else. I leave stuff in the car if I don't need to bring it inside. If I have to stop a project mid-way, I'll leave everything out so I can pick it right back up.
That's why, in addition to being upset about my boiler breaking, I had crappy moments realizing what the boiler repairman would see when he saw my house. The ATV battery and tools laying on the garage floor, along with other piles of stuff I did halfway all around the garage and basement. Scarves, jackets and gloves laying on the bench, when the hooks were right there, empty. Etc, etc. It was a mess. The same mess that I see in other houses that I go into for EMS calls. The mess that obscures that the place is basically clean.
In my defense, keeping the place clean is dead last on my list of priorities, after my full-time job, keeping the dog and cat fed and healthy, feeding myself healthy food, exercising, getting enough sleep, going on calls for the firehouse, EMT class, some sort of social life, etc, etc. When I think about all that, I realize that I'm doing basically OK. I'm more OK when I don't let strangers see my house!!
I'm rambling, so it's time to get the rest of my day started. Have a good weekend all!!
It all goes to show how this weight loss thing is the accumulation of tiny actions. Choices made day after day after day. Focus on the small things and the big things take care of themselves.
I know I blog a lot. Being alone, I don't have the support network that many of you have. What I write here is what you guys probably say to family or friends. Writing every day helps me release stuff into the ether. Helps me keep an even keel.
I tend to get down in the winter. What that means is that I sleep a lot. I don't have an excess of energy, so I focus on the minimum that I have to do to get through the days. I drop my clothes on the floor where I take them off and piles build up. Mail piles up on the counter along with everything else. I leave stuff in the car if I don't need to bring it inside. If I have to stop a project mid-way, I'll leave everything out so I can pick it right back up.
That's why, in addition to being upset about my boiler breaking, I had crappy moments realizing what the boiler repairman would see when he saw my house. The ATV battery and tools laying on the garage floor, along with other piles of stuff I did halfway all around the garage and basement. Scarves, jackets and gloves laying on the bench, when the hooks were right there, empty. Etc, etc. It was a mess. The same mess that I see in other houses that I go into for EMS calls. The mess that obscures that the place is basically clean.
In my defense, keeping the place clean is dead last on my list of priorities, after my full-time job, keeping the dog and cat fed and healthy, feeding myself healthy food, exercising, getting enough sleep, going on calls for the firehouse, EMT class, some sort of social life, etc, etc. When I think about all that, I realize that I'm doing basically OK. I'm more OK when I don't let strangers see my house!!
I'm rambling, so it's time to get the rest of my day started. Have a good weekend all!!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Friday
It's better. Boiler fixed. I have heat and hot water again. Thanks for the nice comments. When I'm rushing around, I feel like I'm the only person on earth who has problems and I'm all, "woe is me, woe is me," and spiral farther and farther into how bad things are.
In a mood yesterday morning, I stomped over the the cafeteria looking for trouble. Definitely a Diet Coke, but I'd see what else was interesting. I ended up getting a small cherry chocolate chip scone and eating it. Wasn't worth the 150 calories. My tastes have changed, although I never did love scones. One of my first posts ever on this blog talked about how the cafeteria is a slippery slope for me. Still is. Back then, my technique for avoiding that place was to buy DC at the grocery store. Now my technique is to not drink Diet Coke every day.
Couldn't work out at lunch because I had to be home for the boiler repairman. Couldn't work out after work because I had a meeting until 5 and had to be in Albany for meditation class at 6. It really bothered me that I had planned to work out and wasn't going to be able to. I felt like I was at the top of another slippery slope, leading uncontrollably back to sloth and overweight.
Meditation class calmed me down and got me back to seeing some good in the world. On the way back home I drove by the firehouse and saw an empty parking lot. I'd been thinking about this. If the parking lot's empty, stop and do the treadmill. So, I did. It turns out there was someone there (he'd parked on the other side), so I chatted with him for a few minutes, changed out of my work clothes into running clothes, then went into the workout room and shut the door and did C25K W5D1. I got home at 9:30.
Old me would have been too intimidated by another person in the building and I would have turned around and left without working out. Old me would have skipped the Thursday workout altogether, been full of regret and started the old, "I'll work out tomorrow" spiel that doesn't lead anywhere.
Plus, the first 5-minute run actually felt good! It went downhill and the last 5-minute run was a complete challenge to finish. (9pm is really too late for me. I'd only had 1000 calories up to then and didn't have any oomph left in my tank.). But I finished it anyway! Went home and had some cottage cheese and a nice hunk of aged Gouda cheese for a total of 1340 calories yesterday.
I won't say yesterday was a good day. But it was an OK day. If I can put together a really long string of days like yesterday, (and I have put together 5-1/2 months worth of days like that). If I keep doing that, eating well and moving enough, I'll succeed. No matter what else is going on in my life or how many things break.
In a mood yesterday morning, I stomped over the the cafeteria looking for trouble. Definitely a Diet Coke, but I'd see what else was interesting. I ended up getting a small cherry chocolate chip scone and eating it. Wasn't worth the 150 calories. My tastes have changed, although I never did love scones. One of my first posts ever on this blog talked about how the cafeteria is a slippery slope for me. Still is. Back then, my technique for avoiding that place was to buy DC at the grocery store. Now my technique is to not drink Diet Coke every day.
Couldn't work out at lunch because I had to be home for the boiler repairman. Couldn't work out after work because I had a meeting until 5 and had to be in Albany for meditation class at 6. It really bothered me that I had planned to work out and wasn't going to be able to. I felt like I was at the top of another slippery slope, leading uncontrollably back to sloth and overweight.
Meditation class calmed me down and got me back to seeing some good in the world. On the way back home I drove by the firehouse and saw an empty parking lot. I'd been thinking about this. If the parking lot's empty, stop and do the treadmill. So, I did. It turns out there was someone there (he'd parked on the other side), so I chatted with him for a few minutes, changed out of my work clothes into running clothes, then went into the workout room and shut the door and did C25K W5D1. I got home at 9:30.
Old me would have been too intimidated by another person in the building and I would have turned around and left without working out. Old me would have skipped the Thursday workout altogether, been full of regret and started the old, "I'll work out tomorrow" spiel that doesn't lead anywhere.
Plus, the first 5-minute run actually felt good! It went downhill and the last 5-minute run was a complete challenge to finish. (9pm is really too late for me. I'd only had 1000 calories up to then and didn't have any oomph left in my tank.). But I finished it anyway! Went home and had some cottage cheese and a nice hunk of aged Gouda cheese for a total of 1340 calories yesterday.
I won't say yesterday was a good day. But it was an OK day. If I can put together a really long string of days like yesterday, (and I have put together 5-1/2 months worth of days like that). If I keep doing that, eating well and moving enough, I'll succeed. No matter what else is going on in my life or how many things break.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
E2E Midweek Update
208.4 this morning
I really thought things were getting better (and they probably are - somewhere). I had composed a happy blog post about how things were looking up. But then this morning the boiler that provides heat and hot water for my house stopped working.
Happy:
My car didn't cost as much to fix as I had feared.
I got a little assertive with someone that's been a major source of my financial anxiety for several months
I have a week off from EMT class.
Sad:
We didn't fix anything on my car. Just confirmed that it won't strand me. I'll live with all the flashing lights on the dashboard.
The major source of my anxiety is going to cost me $1700 that I don't have and it still won't stop the bleeding, until the jerk does his job.
I have no heat or hot water because my boiler is broken!!!
I'm back in emergency mode. I hate emergency mode. Especially in the middle of winter. Extra especially when it's going to cost me alot of money on top of all the other things that cost me money that I already didn't have 3 emergencies ago. I don't have many other things that CAN go wrong that haven't already.
Thanks for listening to me vent. It has to get better one of these days.
I really thought things were getting better (and they probably are - somewhere). I had composed a happy blog post about how things were looking up. But then this morning the boiler that provides heat and hot water for my house stopped working.
Happy:
My car didn't cost as much to fix as I had feared.
I got a little assertive with someone that's been a major source of my financial anxiety for several months
I have a week off from EMT class.
Sad:
We didn't fix anything on my car. Just confirmed that it won't strand me. I'll live with all the flashing lights on the dashboard.
The major source of my anxiety is going to cost me $1700 that I don't have and it still won't stop the bleeding, until the jerk does his job.
I have no heat or hot water because my boiler is broken!!!
I'm back in emergency mode. I hate emergency mode. Especially in the middle of winter. Extra especially when it's going to cost me alot of money on top of all the other things that cost me money that I already didn't have 3 emergencies ago. I don't have many other things that CAN go wrong that haven't already.
Thanks for listening to me vent. It has to get better one of these days.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
What I Learned Yesterday
The guideline for needing a bariatric ambulance is 250-275 pounds.
We had a call Sunday night for a person who had difficulty breathing. The dispatcher said that it was a bariatric patient, and one of our guys who'd been there before had the dispatcher request additional manpower for lifting assistance. The ambulance company brought their special ambulance for fat people (bariatric). The guy decided not to go to the hospital Sunday, but we got called again last night, and did have to move him to the stretcher and get him into the ambulance. Then one of our crews had to go with the ambulance to the hospital to help get him out of the ambulance.
The scary thing? This guy was only about 260 pounds. I was talking to the guys afterward about how surprised I was that 260 qualified as bariatric (not telling them why).
That's such a freakin wake up call. I've been over 260 pounds for 10 or so years, and only last fall got below 260. I NEVER thought that I'd need a special anything. I didn't think I was that fat. I didn't see it as that much of a problem (although my knee joints might think otherwise).
Enough about that. All of us are here because we're doing something about it.
Here's the good news. Now that I've lost 67 pounds from my highest, I'm 2/3-ish of the way to my ultimate goal. I have in my head that I'll be losing 100 pounds, a nice, round number.
To highlight that this is the way I'll have to eat for the rest of my life, I calculated my BMR at goal weight. It's only a few hundred calories higher than what I'm eating now. I'm not starving, I'm eating like a thin person eats. That should be sustainable, and will have to be.
We had a call Sunday night for a person who had difficulty breathing. The dispatcher said that it was a bariatric patient, and one of our guys who'd been there before had the dispatcher request additional manpower for lifting assistance. The ambulance company brought their special ambulance for fat people (bariatric). The guy decided not to go to the hospital Sunday, but we got called again last night, and did have to move him to the stretcher and get him into the ambulance. Then one of our crews had to go with the ambulance to the hospital to help get him out of the ambulance.
The scary thing? This guy was only about 260 pounds. I was talking to the guys afterward about how surprised I was that 260 qualified as bariatric (not telling them why).
That's such a freakin wake up call. I've been over 260 pounds for 10 or so years, and only last fall got below 260. I NEVER thought that I'd need a special anything. I didn't think I was that fat. I didn't see it as that much of a problem (although my knee joints might think otherwise).
Enough about that. All of us are here because we're doing something about it.
Here's the good news. Now that I've lost 67 pounds from my highest, I'm 2/3-ish of the way to my ultimate goal. I have in my head that I'll be losing 100 pounds, a nice, round number.
To highlight that this is the way I'll have to eat for the rest of my life, I calculated my BMR at goal weight. It's only a few hundred calories higher than what I'm eating now. I'm not starving, I'm eating like a thin person eats. That should be sustainable, and will have to be.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Unsettled
209.8 this morning. No change from yesterday, 1.4 down from my E2E weigh in.
I confess that I usually weigh myself twice a day. I generally gain 2 pounds during the day and lose it overnight. On the days when I weigh myself late afternoon and I'm way up, I know I'll be up the next morning as well. Sometimes it's correlated with what I eat, but it's just as often water or TOM or who-knows-what. I like not being unpleasantly surprised in the morning. If there's an unpleasant surprise coming, I'll know in advance. Ditto for good surprises. I sometimes weigh myself in the afternoon and I'm the same as I was in the morning. That's when I know the next morning I'll be down.
I've been feeling unsettled for a few days. I'm worried about money and not relaxing or meditating, which leads to not sleeping, then to being tired, being worried about other things like my car or the boiler at my house ... and being more unsettled. A vicious circle. I keep expecting bad things to happen (and since thoughts become things per my quote), I think my thoughts will attract bad things. Another vicious circle. Logically, I know it isn't true. But logic and emotion are very far apart here. I know I'm in a place of fear right now and it's just the way it is. It kills me to not be able to fix things. I'm a fixer.
The muscle memory and habits I've got is helping me continue to make good meals and stick with the eating plan and the workout plan. But I've got this unsettling urge to EAT that isn't due to hunger. I want sugary things like maple fudge. I want someone to take care of me. I want things to be different than they are. I want pesto. I want bruschetta with garlic butter, gorgonzola and roasted red peppers. I want champagne or wine. I want it to be warm and sunny. I want thin pizza with pepperoni. Eabe wrote about her cheesy shrimp dinner and I wanted that. Grrr.
Part of me wants to stop at the grocery on the way home to get fixins to make pesto so I can satisfy at least one urge. But I know it's my emotion speaking, not my body. I have something equally good already queued up for dinner - pan fried salmon, fresh spinach wilted in butter and browned nuts. I'll have enough calories left over to have either something sweet from the freezer or a Dove miniature piece of chocolate.
Logically, I know I've taken care of myself today. I'll make an effort to take care of my soul tonight and meditate. It's the best I can do. That, and stay away from the (excessive) chocolate!
I confess that I usually weigh myself twice a day. I generally gain 2 pounds during the day and lose it overnight. On the days when I weigh myself late afternoon and I'm way up, I know I'll be up the next morning as well. Sometimes it's correlated with what I eat, but it's just as often water or TOM or who-knows-what. I like not being unpleasantly surprised in the morning. If there's an unpleasant surprise coming, I'll know in advance. Ditto for good surprises. I sometimes weigh myself in the afternoon and I'm the same as I was in the morning. That's when I know the next morning I'll be down.
I've been feeling unsettled for a few days. I'm worried about money and not relaxing or meditating, which leads to not sleeping, then to being tired, being worried about other things like my car or the boiler at my house ... and being more unsettled. A vicious circle. I keep expecting bad things to happen (and since thoughts become things per my quote), I think my thoughts will attract bad things. Another vicious circle. Logically, I know it isn't true. But logic and emotion are very far apart here. I know I'm in a place of fear right now and it's just the way it is. It kills me to not be able to fix things. I'm a fixer.
The muscle memory and habits I've got is helping me continue to make good meals and stick with the eating plan and the workout plan. But I've got this unsettling urge to EAT that isn't due to hunger. I want sugary things like maple fudge. I want someone to take care of me. I want things to be different than they are. I want pesto. I want bruschetta with garlic butter, gorgonzola and roasted red peppers. I want champagne or wine. I want it to be warm and sunny. I want thin pizza with pepperoni. Eabe wrote about her cheesy shrimp dinner and I wanted that. Grrr.
Part of me wants to stop at the grocery on the way home to get fixins to make pesto so I can satisfy at least one urge. But I know it's my emotion speaking, not my body. I have something equally good already queued up for dinner - pan fried salmon, fresh spinach wilted in butter and browned nuts. I'll have enough calories left over to have either something sweet from the freezer or a Dove miniature piece of chocolate.
Logically, I know I've taken care of myself today. I'll make an effort to take care of my soul tonight and meditate. It's the best I can do. That, and stay away from the (excessive) chocolate!
Monday, February 13, 2012
All At Once - NSV
Funny how it happens all at once. I got an email today from a coworker (the one who noticed me losing when I was 20 pounds down), saying that I look GREAT!.
Not 15 minutes later, a guy coworker stuck his head in my office and said that he wasn't sure if this was against the rules or not, and he hadn't said anything before because he was afraid of harassment rules, but that I'm looking really good these days. (In the supportive coworker-y sense - this guy has 6 kids!)
Then the guys in the offices on either side of mine both came out and said, "yeah! You do look good!" They'd both noticed, but hesitated too. One of them is a small guy, so I joked that I'd lost "1/2 a Bob!"
Very nice thing to happen on a Monday!!
Not 15 minutes later, a guy coworker stuck his head in my office and said that he wasn't sure if this was against the rules or not, and he hadn't said anything before because he was afraid of harassment rules, but that I'm looking really good these days. (In the supportive coworker-y sense - this guy has 6 kids!)
Then the guys in the offices on either side of mine both came out and said, "yeah! You do look good!" They'd both noticed, but hesitated too. One of them is a small guy, so I joked that I'd lost "1/2 a Bob!"
Very nice thing to happen on a Monday!!
Monday
209.8 this morning. Ten pounds away from Onederland!
I didn't really lose 13 pounds overnight. I added my real starting weight to MFP so that it'll show my loss from my actual highest weight a year ago. Sixty-six pounds gone, 53 of them in the last 5-1/2 months.
First stop: Onederland, and no longer obese
Next stop: 185, last decent weight I successfully maintained for years
Ultimate goal: 169, highest possible weight that's within normal range. I was 25 the last time I weighed this (21 years ago).
I ran C25K week 5 day 1 yesterday, which is 3x 5 minutes running with 3 minutes walking in between. I wanted to stop, but since everything felt OK except me not really wanting to run, I kept going. Week 5 day 2 is 2x 8 minutes running - yikes. Then week 5 day 3 is 20 minutes straight running, which feels like a mistake. I'm really supposed to go straight from 5 minutes to 8 minutes to 20 minutes of running??? Looks like I'll be repeating W5D2 a few times! What's not fun about running is that I'm constantly thinking about how long I've gone and how much to go. In order for it to work for me, I need to be diverted by something interesting, like on TV.
It'd be cool to run outside, maybe with my dog. It's tough to walk with her because she tries to take control when she sees another dog. I won't know if running is the same or different until I/we try it. I joined a meetup group that's people hiking with dogs, but so far all they've done a bunch of Adirondack mountains that require spiky footwear that I don't have. I want to start with something simple, so if my dog is a holy terror, it'll be easy for us to turn around and leave. They do something every weekend though, so I'll get out with them one of these days. Or I'd really like to find a field hockey team to play with. There's a corporate-league soccer team I could hook up with....(hm). Anything to make running a little more interesting.
I paid attention to your comments and contacted that fireman again. I think we'll get together for coffee/tea sometime. To be clear - my ex-husband is 10 years older than me and the other great love in my life was 15 years older, so I didn't mean to give the impression that older is awful. I was trying to go a different way, but it's true that I'm comfortable with maturity. It IS important to me that the dude be able to do physical things with me, like hiking and long walks (and the horizontal bop!!). I dated someone last year that was "only" 10 years older, but was severely limited because of a back problem. TaxMan is 13 years older, and also not physically able to be as active as I want. (!!).
Yeah, I'm being demanding (when true love comes along I probably won't care what he can or can't do), but I've worked too hard getting myself in better shape to flop down on the couch again. I did cancel the match subscription and am looking forward to getting away from the artificial lists that come from internet dating and back to the chemistry that comes from real life shared activities.
I didn't really lose 13 pounds overnight. I added my real starting weight to MFP so that it'll show my loss from my actual highest weight a year ago. Sixty-six pounds gone, 53 of them in the last 5-1/2 months.
First stop: Onederland, and no longer obese
Next stop: 185, last decent weight I successfully maintained for years
Ultimate goal: 169, highest possible weight that's within normal range. I was 25 the last time I weighed this (21 years ago).
I ran C25K week 5 day 1 yesterday, which is 3x 5 minutes running with 3 minutes walking in between. I wanted to stop, but since everything felt OK except me not really wanting to run, I kept going. Week 5 day 2 is 2x 8 minutes running - yikes. Then week 5 day 3 is 20 minutes straight running, which feels like a mistake. I'm really supposed to go straight from 5 minutes to 8 minutes to 20 minutes of running??? Looks like I'll be repeating W5D2 a few times! What's not fun about running is that I'm constantly thinking about how long I've gone and how much to go. In order for it to work for me, I need to be diverted by something interesting, like on TV.
It'd be cool to run outside, maybe with my dog. It's tough to walk with her because she tries to take control when she sees another dog. I won't know if running is the same or different until I/we try it. I joined a meetup group that's people hiking with dogs, but so far all they've done a bunch of Adirondack mountains that require spiky footwear that I don't have. I want to start with something simple, so if my dog is a holy terror, it'll be easy for us to turn around and leave. They do something every weekend though, so I'll get out with them one of these days. Or I'd really like to find a field hockey team to play with. There's a corporate-league soccer team I could hook up with....(hm). Anything to make running a little more interesting.
I paid attention to your comments and contacted that fireman again. I think we'll get together for coffee/tea sometime. To be clear - my ex-husband is 10 years older than me and the other great love in my life was 15 years older, so I didn't mean to give the impression that older is awful. I was trying to go a different way, but it's true that I'm comfortable with maturity. It IS important to me that the dude be able to do physical things with me, like hiking and long walks (and the horizontal bop!!). I dated someone last year that was "only" 10 years older, but was severely limited because of a back problem. TaxMan is 13 years older, and also not physically able to be as active as I want. (!!).
Yeah, I'm being demanding (when true love comes along I probably won't care what he can or can't do), but I've worked too hard getting myself in better shape to flop down on the couch again. I did cancel the match subscription and am looking forward to getting away from the artificial lists that come from internet dating and back to the chemistry that comes from real life shared activities.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
E2E Update
I've got so many things going on during the week that it was a treat that my plans this weekend include a whole lotta nothing. We had EMT class Friday night and a test on airways, but I was home by 9 and haven't left since. I may make it through the entire weekend without leaving the house. If I leave the house, it will be to go to the firehouse to use the treadmill or to go on a call.
Yesterday I - slept late, piddled my way through breakfast (2 eggs scrambled with onion, broccoli, spinach, hot capicola and 1 ounce of cheddar cheese), went shopping in my closets again, rearranged the closets, did 30 minutes on the elliptical while watching Glee on Netflix, showered, hot oil treatment for hair, watched more netflix while polishing all my black shoes, ate dinner, bed. Lunch was mixed greens salad with feta, sunflower seeds and spicy nuts. Dinner was beef stew reheated.
When I went shopping in my closets this time, it was for clothes to get rid of because they're too big. (Last few times it was to see how many too-small clothes now fit.) I used to wear business suits to work, so I made a stack of pants, jackets, shirts to donate to one of those charity organizations that give interview suits to ladies. Here's the stack. It filled a box 2 x 2 x 3 ft high and is now in the back of my car. Now my closets are full (less full than before) of clothes that fit! What a concept.
Today, I'm going to clean the kitchen and get other aspects of the house under control. More piddling, but last few weekends I've been so gobsmacked that all I wanted to do was lay down. This weekend I feel good enough to get things accomplished. Maybe I'm getting used to the EMT class schedule.
Weight: 211.2 (it was lower yesterday, as usual)
Waist: 35 (finally, a change)
Hips: 47 (finally, a change)
Thigh: 28
Last week weight: 212.4 (1.2 pounds lost, plus 2 pounds gained and lost)
Waist: 37
Hips: 47-1/2
Thigh: 28
Book: not this week
Support: I supported more than 3, but not all and supported my buddy by commenting on her posts.
Exercise: 5/7 days for >30 minutes
Food: did well this week.
I think I'm going to cancel the match.com subscription. People are flaky. One little wrong thing and poof. For example: I've been emailing with one guy for 2+ weeks now. In the second email he said, let's meet and I said OK. Except that it takes him 2-3 days to email me back and he always emails at 3am. (not a good sign in my book, a guy that only emails at 3am). Another guy wrote that he'd call Wednesday night around 8 and I wrote that I'd be in class then. Could he call at 9:30-10 or on Thursday. Haven't heard from him since. I've spoken twice with him and was looking forward to meeting him. A third guy, a volunteer fireman from another department is 60 (14 years older than me), and shorter than me. I've been half-assedly answering his emails but not putting any effort into it. That's what I mean about flaky. Internet dating drives me nuts. It's not adding anything good to my life right now. Blurgh!
Thoughts become things ... choose the good ones!
Yesterday I - slept late, piddled my way through breakfast (2 eggs scrambled with onion, broccoli, spinach, hot capicola and 1 ounce of cheddar cheese), went shopping in my closets again, rearranged the closets, did 30 minutes on the elliptical while watching Glee on Netflix, showered, hot oil treatment for hair, watched more netflix while polishing all my black shoes, ate dinner, bed. Lunch was mixed greens salad with feta, sunflower seeds and spicy nuts. Dinner was beef stew reheated.
When I went shopping in my closets this time, it was for clothes to get rid of because they're too big. (Last few times it was to see how many too-small clothes now fit.) I used to wear business suits to work, so I made a stack of pants, jackets, shirts to donate to one of those charity organizations that give interview suits to ladies. Here's the stack. It filled a box 2 x 2 x 3 ft high and is now in the back of my car. Now my closets are full (less full than before) of clothes that fit! What a concept.
Today, I'm going to clean the kitchen and get other aspects of the house under control. More piddling, but last few weekends I've been so gobsmacked that all I wanted to do was lay down. This weekend I feel good enough to get things accomplished. Maybe I'm getting used to the EMT class schedule.
Weight: 211.2 (it was lower yesterday, as usual)
Waist: 35 (finally, a change)
Hips: 47 (finally, a change)
Thigh: 28
Last week weight: 212.4 (1.2 pounds lost, plus 2 pounds gained and lost)
Waist: 37
Hips: 47-1/2
Thigh: 28
Book: not this week
Support: I supported more than 3, but not all and supported my buddy by commenting on her posts.
Exercise: 5/7 days for >30 minutes
Food: did well this week.
I think I'm going to cancel the match.com subscription. People are flaky. One little wrong thing and poof. For example: I've been emailing with one guy for 2+ weeks now. In the second email he said, let's meet and I said OK. Except that it takes him 2-3 days to email me back and he always emails at 3am. (not a good sign in my book, a guy that only emails at 3am). Another guy wrote that he'd call Wednesday night around 8 and I wrote that I'd be in class then. Could he call at 9:30-10 or on Thursday. Haven't heard from him since. I've spoken twice with him and was looking forward to meeting him. A third guy, a volunteer fireman from another department is 60 (14 years older than me), and shorter than me. I've been half-assedly answering his emails but not putting any effort into it. That's what I mean about flaky. Internet dating drives me nuts. It's not adding anything good to my life right now. Blurgh!
Thoughts become things ... choose the good ones!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Midweek Update
Got up at 4:30 this morning so I could pick up the rental car and get my coworkers at 7 for an all-day drive to Connecticut and back. Just got home at 7:30 pm. Everything hurts, but especially my knees and my head, from sitting all day in the driver's seat and having that blasted headrest pushing my neck forward.
Calories were good today, 3 fried eggs before I left and seared scallop salad for lunch, and beef stew over barley for dinner with a teeny piece of maple fudge for dessert. I had brought some homemade beef jerky with me, but have NO idea where I put it. Somewhere in the rental car. Found an apple in my bag and ate it after I dropped off the rental car, on the way home.
I've been testing my blood sugar every now and then. Earlier this week, mid afternoon, it was 74. Before I started eating all healthy and stuff, it was regularly 120 or higher an hour after lunch, and in the 90s first thing in the morning. So I thought that 74 was good. I'm beginning to think that maybe 74 is a little low for me because I sometimes get a little light-headed after things like standing up, or some physical exertion. Not a lot lightheaded, a little. Not every time.
Yesterday we learned about getting vital signs in EMT class, and blood sugar is one of them. They say that 60-80 is low. We also learned how to take blood pressure and pulse. So cool! I'm going to have to start wearing a watch!
Took 2 days off from exercise and it looks like it may have helped get off last weekend's weight gain. Once again, I'm reminded that changing the routine is good for the body. Too bad I'm really good at consistency and less good at being unpredictable!
Calories were good today, 3 fried eggs before I left and seared scallop salad for lunch, and beef stew over barley for dinner with a teeny piece of maple fudge for dessert. I had brought some homemade beef jerky with me, but have NO idea where I put it. Somewhere in the rental car. Found an apple in my bag and ate it after I dropped off the rental car, on the way home.
I've been testing my blood sugar every now and then. Earlier this week, mid afternoon, it was 74. Before I started eating all healthy and stuff, it was regularly 120 or higher an hour after lunch, and in the 90s first thing in the morning. So I thought that 74 was good. I'm beginning to think that maybe 74 is a little low for me because I sometimes get a little light-headed after things like standing up, or some physical exertion. Not a lot lightheaded, a little. Not every time.
Yesterday we learned about getting vital signs in EMT class, and blood sugar is one of them. They say that 60-80 is low. We also learned how to take blood pressure and pulse. So cool! I'm going to have to start wearing a watch!
Took 2 days off from exercise and it looks like it may have helped get off last weekend's weight gain. Once again, I'm reminded that changing the routine is good for the body. Too bad I'm really good at consistency and less good at being unpredictable!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Taking the Day Off
I wanna take today off.
My knees are feeling creaky from jumping up and down and running, and I've worked out every single day since last Wednesday.
I'm feeling so poopy at the unfairness of it all. I ate some salty stuff on Saturday and Sunday and gained weight instantly (211 up to 213.8). Instantly. Here I am after 3 days of work and I've only got 1 pound of that gain back off. I only had 1700 calories on Sunday! It wasn't even that much! It was still supposedly below my BMR (hah!). I've been below 1200 cals every day since then.
Today we're having a working lunch and the boss is ordering pizza. Can you tell that I want some??? In the fall when my body was letting go of weight easily, I could have a pizza-y carb day and not exercise for a day or two and my body would say, "sure thing, no problem," and lose weight.
But now I'm afraid to try.
Sigh.
OK. Writing this has clarified what I'm going to do. I'm going to take my standard lunch salad in and eat it first. Then I'm going to have some pizza. Since I eat breakfast around 10, I probably won't be very hungry at noon. I'll try to stick to 1 piece and savor every morsel.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to drive 2 people to visit some vendors in Connecticut. Leave the house at 6am to pick up the rental car. Get home, probably around 8 pm. I used to enjoy this kind of stuff, but I'm not looking forward to it. At all.
My knees are feeling creaky from jumping up and down and running, and I've worked out every single day since last Wednesday.
I'm feeling so poopy at the unfairness of it all. I ate some salty stuff on Saturday and Sunday and gained weight instantly (211 up to 213.8). Instantly. Here I am after 3 days of work and I've only got 1 pound of that gain back off. I only had 1700 calories on Sunday! It wasn't even that much! It was still supposedly below my BMR (hah!). I've been below 1200 cals every day since then.
Today we're having a working lunch and the boss is ordering pizza. Can you tell that I want some??? In the fall when my body was letting go of weight easily, I could have a pizza-y carb day and not exercise for a day or two and my body would say, "sure thing, no problem," and lose weight.
But now I'm afraid to try.
Sigh.
OK. Writing this has clarified what I'm going to do. I'm going to take my standard lunch salad in and eat it first. Then I'm going to have some pizza. Since I eat breakfast around 10, I probably won't be very hungry at noon. I'll try to stick to 1 piece and savor every morsel.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to drive 2 people to visit some vendors in Connecticut. Leave the house at 6am to pick up the rental car. Get home, probably around 8 pm. I used to enjoy this kind of stuff, but I'm not looking forward to it. At all.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Monday - Bad Hair Day
213.2 this morning, up another 0.8 pounds from yesterday which was up 1.4 pounds from Saturday. I know what today's gain is, and it's not the normal fluctuation of someone who's being good. It's got an "assignable cause."
I colored my hair out of a box yesterday and its very ... red. I feel like I'm walking around with a glowing red head on top while the ends are still coppery brown - not a good feeling, when I'm also having a bad eyebrow day/week. I hope it calms down when I wash it, or I can re-dye it if I need to, in all my spare time (ha!). Look at this redness!!
I went to see The Artist yesterday with some girls and went to lunch afterward. I'm a popcorn freak. I LOVE movie popcorn! So I was focused on avoiding the popcorn, and didn't think much about how I was going to handle lunch. I bypassed the little gourmet pizzas and salads and had huevos, refried beans, arepa, plantains and chorizo. When I added it up later, I realized that it was over 1000 calories! It was good, but was it 1000 calories worth of good? No. Especially since that split second decision is going to take me all week to work off.
I had a pedicure Saturday and got my eyebrows done. I think good eyebrows that have a nice arch can make my face look really nice. On the flip side, flatter eyebrows just look bad on me. Unfortunately, washing won't help. The only thing that will make my eyebrows look better is time. Blurgh.
Have any of you had your eyebrows threaded??? I hear that I can get more arch-y brows that way.
With my weekend indiscretion and the gains, I've only lost 4 pounds in the last month! Maybe I should take back all the optimistic calculations I did yesterday!
To make myself feel better, here are pics showing me wearing the same outfit. First on Dec 22 and then on Feb 5th. I chose that white shirt because it was really tight last fall. (I'm having problems making Blogger put the pics next to each other, so you'll have to scroll scrolly scroll.) There's improvement, but it's minor. I was wearing heels in December and flats yesterday. No danger of me binging or anything - I'm just having a bad hair day. I hate bad hair days!
Dec 22-side
Feb 5 - side
Dec 22 - back
Feb 5 - back
Sunday, February 5, 2012
E2E Update
Thoughts become things ... choose the good ones!
I DID go up this morning to 212.4 for 1.8 pounds lost this week. It's like my body flirts with a lower weight before it finally goes there. It doesn't bother me when that happens because I know that I've eaten well and exercised, so overall I'm going in the right direction. I know I'll hit 211 again (and then 210 ... and then Onederland!!! soon enough).
Waist: 37 (funny, because it was 35 yesterday!)
Hips: 47-1/2
Thigh: 28
Last week: 214.2
Waist 35
Hips 48
Thigh 28
E2E Start
weight: 222
waist: 36
hips: 47-1/2
thigh: 28
Loss since E2E start = 9.6 pounds. Essentially no inches lost, but things do fit better!
I love feeling how muscular I'm becoming. Yesterday I re-noticed that I still have rolls of fat and really lumpy legs and was disappointed for a while. But then I realized that I still have 40+ extra pounds on me (from my ultimate goal, 170), and overall I'm doing pretty well. I was talking to someone from match.com on the phone Friday, and he asked how recent my pictures were - and I got to say, "I'm thinner than all my pictures," which was pretty cool. This is me in Oman in March, 2008 at about 260-ish, 50 pounds ago.
I made it through another week of EMT class, and the first test. Thirteen more weeks to go.
-I did OK, not great, on supporting other challengers. I did get to more than 3, but not everyone, and did comment on my buddy's blog every time she posted.
-I posted about my book.
-I stayed below 1400 net calories every day.
-I exercised 6 days this week (including C25K week 4 this morning! During the second 5 minute run I thought about stopping and then realized that I have no good reason to stop. So I kept going.)
I'm feeling pretty good about this weight loss thing. In my head I'm already at 210 and 40 pounds away from my ultimate goal. Since I'm an engineer and I can't help calculating things, it could be 1 to 1-1/2 months before I get to onederland, and 4 to 6 months (at this rate), before I'm there! It's optimistic, I know, but I'm finally beginning to think that I might really succeed! I'm pretty sure life will get in the way, like I might meet a nice guy and we'll cook and eat together - but I'll take that hurdle when it happens!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Saturday
211.0 this morning. I always seem to go down big on Saturdays and then back up a little on Sunday for the E2E check in. So far it's been 3.2 pound loss this week.
My calories have been 1000-1440 every day this week (1446, 1019, 1244, 1120, 1370, 1200) and I exercised Sun, Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri so far. I like the pattern of 3 days on, 1 day off. Today I think I'll do an elliptical workout and tomorrow I'll do C25K week 4 again. Subject to change.
Now that I actually jogged for 5 whole minutes without stopping, I want to be able to go a whole mile, 12 minutes. That's my goal for Feb. My last goal, boy pushups, is not happening. I can do about 10 girl pushups and then ... fail. Being able to run a mile is a goal I actually look forward to.
Bank guy says refinancing is not an option. I can try another bank or figure out another way. I may spend some time this weekend going through my transactions for the last 6 months to see where I can cut, or what my other options are. Even more reason to work out - it's free and will make me feel good!
Most of the exercises in my book, eating the moment, 141 mindful practices to overcome overeating one meal at a time, seem designed for people who haven't had the mental "click" yet. (I struggled unsuccessfully to lose weight for years until I found Mir's blog and other weight loss blogs in September. I can't explain why or how it happened, but I had the "click," and have lost over 50 pounds in 5 months. It hasn't been mentally/emotionally hard.)
Here are some exercises from the book that try to get you away from your standard mindlessness of eating by changing it up and making you aware of your motions and what you are doing. This gives you a chance to think about what you are eating. It's texture. It's temperature. Where it came from. The sun energy that went into it. Appreciate how the energy from the food is going to give your body energy. Appreciate the work you did to make this food for yourself.
- eat with your nondominant hand. If you're left-handed, eat with your right hand.
- eat with wrist weights on. It's the same motions, but will feel different.
- change up utensils. If it's something you eat with a fork, try eating it with your hands. Pay attention to the sensory information you get, how the food feels in your fingers. If it's something you normally eat with your hands, try eating it with utensils.
- different utensils. Try eating with chopsticks. If you use a spoon, try using a soup ladle instead. Try using corn skewers instead of a fork. This will make you have to think about how to eat, taking the mindlessness away.
Peace, all! Hope we all have rockin' updates this weekend!
My calories have been 1000-1440 every day this week (1446, 1019, 1244, 1120, 1370, 1200) and I exercised Sun, Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri so far. I like the pattern of 3 days on, 1 day off. Today I think I'll do an elliptical workout and tomorrow I'll do C25K week 4 again. Subject to change.
Now that I actually jogged for 5 whole minutes without stopping, I want to be able to go a whole mile, 12 minutes. That's my goal for Feb. My last goal, boy pushups, is not happening. I can do about 10 girl pushups and then ... fail. Being able to run a mile is a goal I actually look forward to.
Bank guy says refinancing is not an option. I can try another bank or figure out another way. I may spend some time this weekend going through my transactions for the last 6 months to see where I can cut, or what my other options are. Even more reason to work out - it's free and will make me feel good!
Most of the exercises in my book, eating the moment, 141 mindful practices to overcome overeating one meal at a time, seem designed for people who haven't had the mental "click" yet. (I struggled unsuccessfully to lose weight for years until I found Mir's blog and other weight loss blogs in September. I can't explain why or how it happened, but I had the "click," and have lost over 50 pounds in 5 months. It hasn't been mentally/emotionally hard.)
Here are some exercises from the book that try to get you away from your standard mindlessness of eating by changing it up and making you aware of your motions and what you are doing. This gives you a chance to think about what you are eating. It's texture. It's temperature. Where it came from. The sun energy that went into it. Appreciate how the energy from the food is going to give your body energy. Appreciate the work you did to make this food for yourself.
- eat with your nondominant hand. If you're left-handed, eat with your right hand.
- eat with wrist weights on. It's the same motions, but will feel different.
- change up utensils. If it's something you eat with a fork, try eating it with your hands. Pay attention to the sensory information you get, how the food feels in your fingers. If it's something you normally eat with your hands, try eating it with utensils.
- different utensils. Try eating with chopsticks. If you use a spoon, try using a soup ladle instead. Try using corn skewers instead of a fork. This will make you have to think about how to eat, taking the mindlessness away.
Peace, all! Hope we all have rockin' updates this weekend!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Goals
I'm sitting at my desk a hot, sweaty mess right now! I pushed myself at the gym at lunch and did C25K week 4, which is 16 minutes of jogging, split up into 2x 3 minutes and 2x 5 minute segments. Altogether I ran 1.3 miles, which is more than I've run at one time in 25 years.
I still don't know about the refinancing, other than it's touch and go. But I'm more zen about the whole thing. I've done everything I can do. Worrying about it doesn't change a thing other than make my quality of life poorer, so I'm practicing letting go of the stress. Same with stressing out about my schedule like I did yesterday. Since I don't plan on dropping anything, I can choose to enjoy it or not enjoy it. I'd rather enjoy myself. Every element of my life is something I chose. My life is exactly the way I chose for it to be. I don't want to forget that!
212.0 this morning, which is 2.2 pounds down from my Sunday weigh in. Evening class has changed my eating patterns, and for some reason I haven't been very hungry lately.
I want to get my goals down:
- I want to wear a dress and not have my legs chafe.
- I want to feel my hips when I'm lying down
- I want to see muscles in my arms when I'm doing normal stuff
- I want my knees to be smaller than my legs, and see the cool curves on the outside of my knee from my calf to my thigh
- I want to see the depressions on each side of my belly when I stand.
The cool thing is that ALL of these are possible!! This summer!
I still don't know about the refinancing, other than it's touch and go. But I'm more zen about the whole thing. I've done everything I can do. Worrying about it doesn't change a thing other than make my quality of life poorer, so I'm practicing letting go of the stress. Same with stressing out about my schedule like I did yesterday. Since I don't plan on dropping anything, I can choose to enjoy it or not enjoy it. I'd rather enjoy myself. Every element of my life is something I chose. My life is exactly the way I chose for it to be. I don't want to forget that!
212.0 this morning, which is 2.2 pounds down from my Sunday weigh in. Evening class has changed my eating patterns, and for some reason I haven't been very hungry lately.
I want to get my goals down:
- I want to wear a dress and not have my legs chafe.
- I want to feel my hips when I'm lying down
- I want to see muscles in my arms when I'm doing normal stuff
- I want my knees to be smaller than my legs, and see the cool curves on the outside of my knee from my calf to my thigh
- I want to see the depressions on each side of my belly when I stand.
The cool thing is that ALL of these are possible!! This summer!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
E2E Midweek Update
So. Tired.
213.2 this morning. It was 212.8 yesterday, but yesterday was tremendously long and full. Right before I went to bed, I was exhausted and head-hungry, so I picked up a 120-calorie piece of chocolate. I thought about it, "hey, you're not even hungry. You're tired. That's not the same as hunger." And then I ate it anyway.
Total was 1364 calories, less 250 exercise cals for net 1114 cals yesterday.
Really tired again today. Stopped by the cafeteria for a diet coke and what should I come across, but the brownies. Yup. Bought one and ate it. Total calories are still fine, but I don't like these little slips. I want to live with intention, not have all these little, "oops, look what just fell into my hand" incidents.
Because I'm not feeding myself so many extra calories, I'm noticing that my energy level is more tied to how much I eat. (Duh, I know. I've always had so many extra calories floating around that I don't think I've ever really crashed before.) Next time I feel so exhausted, I want to see what my blood sugar is to see if there's a relationship. If I get used to what true low energy feels like and am prepared with healthy snacks, I'll be able to take care of myself better. [Aside: we had an EMS call yesterday for a diabetic who had low blood sugar. Wow! The guy was incoherent and combative, rolling around on the floor and kicking. His blood sugar was 36. After some orange juice and M&Ms and waiting, it came back up and the guy was fine.]
I'm overwhelmed with this EMT class. It doesn't really work for me to get home from class at 10pm three days a week and then have to get up at 5:30 for work. Worked out Sunday (elliptical), Monday (C25K week 3) and Tuesday (circuit), so I'm doing OK there. Taking today off from working out. Have healthy food prepared and available, so I'm OK there. The cat has decided that he's going to get better, so he isn't as needy and I'm OK there.
It's worrying about money and my car and not having any down time that's getting to me. I just got off the phone with the bank about refinancing the house and I'll know tomorrow if I can do it or not. EMT class tonight, meditation class tomorrow night, EMT class Friday, drill Saturday and then I can FINALLY relax on Sunday. And then start all over on Monday. Ugh. I need to calm down and try to slow down a little. Breathe in. Breathe out.
213.2 this morning. It was 212.8 yesterday, but yesterday was tremendously long and full. Right before I went to bed, I was exhausted and head-hungry, so I picked up a 120-calorie piece of chocolate. I thought about it, "hey, you're not even hungry. You're tired. That's not the same as hunger." And then I ate it anyway.
Total was 1364 calories, less 250 exercise cals for net 1114 cals yesterday.
Really tired again today. Stopped by the cafeteria for a diet coke and what should I come across, but the brownies. Yup. Bought one and ate it. Total calories are still fine, but I don't like these little slips. I want to live with intention, not have all these little, "oops, look what just fell into my hand" incidents.
Because I'm not feeding myself so many extra calories, I'm noticing that my energy level is more tied to how much I eat. (Duh, I know. I've always had so many extra calories floating around that I don't think I've ever really crashed before.) Next time I feel so exhausted, I want to see what my blood sugar is to see if there's a relationship. If I get used to what true low energy feels like and am prepared with healthy snacks, I'll be able to take care of myself better. [Aside: we had an EMS call yesterday for a diabetic who had low blood sugar. Wow! The guy was incoherent and combative, rolling around on the floor and kicking. His blood sugar was 36. After some orange juice and M&Ms and waiting, it came back up and the guy was fine.]
I'm overwhelmed with this EMT class. It doesn't really work for me to get home from class at 10pm three days a week and then have to get up at 5:30 for work. Worked out Sunday (elliptical), Monday (C25K week 3) and Tuesday (circuit), so I'm doing OK there. Taking today off from working out. Have healthy food prepared and available, so I'm OK there. The cat has decided that he's going to get better, so he isn't as needy and I'm OK there.
It's worrying about money and my car and not having any down time that's getting to me. I just got off the phone with the bank about refinancing the house and I'll know tomorrow if I can do it or not. EMT class tonight, meditation class tomorrow night, EMT class Friday, drill Saturday and then I can FINALLY relax on Sunday. And then start all over on Monday. Ugh. I need to calm down and try to slow down a little. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Random Stuff
So I get to see the 50 pounds lost (!!!) thingy from MFP, but since I started with MFP after I started losing weight, I've really lost 63 pounds. Not complaining at all. I'm happy either way. I can actually imagine being at or near my goal weight now. (First goal is onederland. Next goal is 185. Ultimate goal is 169, or normal weight. I started at 276.) The end feels closer than the beginning now.
MFP calories burned is really screwed up. I just finished C25K week 3, which is 9 minutes of jogging. I added 4 minutes to that, just to get over 10 minutes of running at 5 mph and walked for about 22 minutes. MFP says that I burned 295 calories with the walking/jogging that I did. Compare this to yesterday when I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and didn't work very hard because it was my first workout in a week. MFP said I burned over 400 calories. That makes no sense. Today was MUCH harder than yesterday. I'm pretty sure I burned more cals today - or really - fewer cals yesterday. Boo.
I read something last week where the person (sorry, I don't remember who) wrote how much easier it is to jog for longer times if you SLOW DOWN. So I went 5 mph instead of 5.5 - and they're right. It was easier to do. It helped that there was a big fan blowing on me, I had fast hiphop music in my ears and American Pickers on TV to distract me. Last week when I went at lunch hour and the gym was full, I had to leave the fan off and had to watch sports news on TV. That workout lasted forever!
It's lighter in the evenings which makes a *huge* difference in my mood. Plus, it's been ridiculously warm and sunny this winter, making me very happy. Or at least happi-er. I'm usually in the doldrums in the winter.
MFP calories burned is really screwed up. I just finished C25K week 3, which is 9 minutes of jogging. I added 4 minutes to that, just to get over 10 minutes of running at 5 mph and walked for about 22 minutes. MFP says that I burned 295 calories with the walking/jogging that I did. Compare this to yesterday when I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and didn't work very hard because it was my first workout in a week. MFP said I burned over 400 calories. That makes no sense. Today was MUCH harder than yesterday. I'm pretty sure I burned more cals today - or really - fewer cals yesterday. Boo.
I read something last week where the person (sorry, I don't remember who) wrote how much easier it is to jog for longer times if you SLOW DOWN. So I went 5 mph instead of 5.5 - and they're right. It was easier to do. It helped that there was a big fan blowing on me, I had fast hiphop music in my ears and American Pickers on TV to distract me. Last week when I went at lunch hour and the gym was full, I had to leave the fan off and had to watch sports news on TV. That workout lasted forever!
It's lighter in the evenings which makes a *huge* difference in my mood. Plus, it's been ridiculously warm and sunny this winter, making me very happy. Or at least happi-er. I'm usually in the doldrums in the winter.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
E2E Update
214.2 this morning
Waist 35
Hips 48
Thigh 28
Last week:
weight: 216
waist: 37
hips: 48
thigh: 28
E2E Start
weight: 222
waist: 36
hips: 47-1/2
thigh: 28
Loss since E2E start = 7.8 pounds. Essentially no inches lost, but things do fit better!
I got inspired by my buddy Mir and tried on my E2E clothes. These are the pants that I couldn't get up my legs 5 weeks ago. They're size 16 Levis. I can't close the front 'cause my belly is all over the place. The smallness of the butt of the pants has pushed the bigness of my butt UP and I have a muffin top in the back, hahaha. But it's still progress!
The other two pairs of jeans I bought in December that didn't fit, well, I put one pair into rotation a week ago and the other pair is going into rotation ... now. They're tight, but they make me feel good. And I'm ALL about feeling good about how I look!
Book: fail this week
Support: I did great for the first half of the week and then stopped altogether. I figure if I can support 2 of you every day, then I'm doing OK. I think I missed commenting on one of Mir's posts, sorry Mir!
Exercise: C25K week 3 on Monday, but nothing else. I'm going to do an elliptical workout today. I'll do it later. First, I need to try and get the ATV running while it's still light. Ugh.
Food: poor choices, but not huge quantities. I still had a salad every day and a high protein breakfast. If I were maintaining, I'd say this week was OK. Since I'm trying to lose, it's not OK, except occasionally.
I was kind of in a fog this week, but I feel better now. I'll be more challeng-y next week!
Quote: Thoughts become things ... choose the good ones!
PS, I did end up going to the hockey game last night and had fun. We talked multiple times about my concerns and left it with no plans to do anything more together. He doesn't agree with my concern, but understands that I feel the way I feel, period. The cool thing is that I ran into some folks from work. I guess they sometimes go to these games as a group. Now that they know I want to go, they said they'd put me on the invite list for future times. So there was value in going last night!
Have a good week, all!
Waist 35
Hips 48
Thigh 28
Last week:
weight: 216
waist: 37
hips: 48
thigh: 28
E2E Start
weight: 222
waist: 36
hips: 47-1/2
thigh: 28
Loss since E2E start = 7.8 pounds. Essentially no inches lost, but things do fit better!
I got inspired by my buddy Mir and tried on my E2E clothes. These are the pants that I couldn't get up my legs 5 weeks ago. They're size 16 Levis. I can't close the front 'cause my belly is all over the place. The smallness of the butt of the pants has pushed the bigness of my butt UP and I have a muffin top in the back, hahaha. But it's still progress!The other two pairs of jeans I bought in December that didn't fit, well, I put one pair into rotation a week ago and the other pair is going into rotation ... now. They're tight, but they make me feel good. And I'm ALL about feeling good about how I look!
Book: fail this week
Support: I did great for the first half of the week and then stopped altogether. I figure if I can support 2 of you every day, then I'm doing OK. I think I missed commenting on one of Mir's posts, sorry Mir!
Exercise: C25K week 3 on Monday, but nothing else. I'm going to do an elliptical workout today. I'll do it later. First, I need to try and get the ATV running while it's still light. Ugh.
Food: poor choices, but not huge quantities. I still had a salad every day and a high protein breakfast. If I were maintaining, I'd say this week was OK. Since I'm trying to lose, it's not OK, except occasionally.
I was kind of in a fog this week, but I feel better now. I'll be more challeng-y next week!
Quote: Thoughts become things ... choose the good ones!
PS, I did end up going to the hockey game last night and had fun. We talked multiple times about my concerns and left it with no plans to do anything more together. He doesn't agree with my concern, but understands that I feel the way I feel, period. The cool thing is that I ran into some folks from work. I guess they sometimes go to these games as a group. Now that they know I want to go, they said they'd put me on the invite list for future times. So there was value in going last night!
Have a good week, all!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Saturday
Hard to believe the last time I blogged was Wednesday. I'm usually much more predictable than that. But it's been a heckuva week.
My cold went mostly went away Thursday. It was a rough one but quick, thankfully. I haven't worked out since Monday though. My food choices have leaned more towards comfort food than healthy food. Like, um, a piece of cake with sugar frosting. Grits made with 1/4 light cream and 3/4 water, and butter. Not big amounts, but not good choices either. Since this is the rest of my life here, eating like this is going to happen occasionally. It has to be followed by several weeks of good eating though, to get to 80-90% good eating.
Sparky the cat is home with me now. I trekked to the vet just about every day this week and was prepared to let him go a few times. Now that he's not costing me more money every time he breathes, I feel better. Either he'll get better or he won't.
The first week of EMT class was quite an adjustment. A full day of my real job that I get paid for, then class from 7-10 three days a week. Plus all morning Saturday. One week down, 14 weeks to go. The teacher is really good and the subject matter is interesting, so it's not all bad. This morning I learned CPR. Very useful.
My weight is doing weird things. I'm at 214.0 today. (I'll do the E2E update tomorrow.) After a month of being at a plateau around 220, I jumped down 7 pounds to 213 in, like 2 days. I kept expecting it to jump back up, but it hasn't ... yet. That's the fear of all the weight coming back that we all have. I have a hard time accepting that I might actually weight 213-214.
I met a match.com person last night. They have this date idea thing where I put, "Wanna go to a hockey game?" He responded with Yes. And there's one Saturday night. All of a sudden I felt like I wanted to meet him before I had to spend several hours at a hockey game with a total stranger. I mean, what if we couldn't stand each other? So we had some sushi last night.
Here's the catch. (There is always a freakin' catch!!) He's a widower. His wife died, get this ... a month ago. That could potentially still be OK if she'd been dying a long time. And she had been sick a long time - but they didn't know she'd die until a few days before it happened. He wants to get out and meet women (with full permission from his grown kids) not because he's ready, but because he feels he needs to get his mind off "things." In one breath he said he just wants to hang out with someone, but in the next breath he talked about looking for his other 50%. Not exactly the same thing, dude.
I feel terrible for the guy. He's a nice guy and relatively easy to talk to. But he doesn't even come close to being able to expand his horizon to care for a new woman. I told him that (nicer though.) - but he didn't get it. I tried to let him know, nicely, that most women would be cautious since it seemed like he's still letting go. We left it last night that I'd email today if I wanted to go to the game with him. The more I thought about it today, the less I wanted to see him again - but I really want to go to this hockey game! So I emailed him to see what time he wants to meet - if he still wants to go.
A big part of me is hoping he won't answer or will write that he doesn't want to or can't go. Then I could stay home and sleep! If he still wants to go, then I'll get to see the game, which will be OK too. I'll let y'all know tomorrow.
My cold went mostly went away Thursday. It was a rough one but quick, thankfully. I haven't worked out since Monday though. My food choices have leaned more towards comfort food than healthy food. Like, um, a piece of cake with sugar frosting. Grits made with 1/4 light cream and 3/4 water, and butter. Not big amounts, but not good choices either. Since this is the rest of my life here, eating like this is going to happen occasionally. It has to be followed by several weeks of good eating though, to get to 80-90% good eating.
Sparky the cat is home with me now. I trekked to the vet just about every day this week and was prepared to let him go a few times. Now that he's not costing me more money every time he breathes, I feel better. Either he'll get better or he won't.
The first week of EMT class was quite an adjustment. A full day of my real job that I get paid for, then class from 7-10 three days a week. Plus all morning Saturday. One week down, 14 weeks to go. The teacher is really good and the subject matter is interesting, so it's not all bad. This morning I learned CPR. Very useful.
My weight is doing weird things. I'm at 214.0 today. (I'll do the E2E update tomorrow.) After a month of being at a plateau around 220, I jumped down 7 pounds to 213 in, like 2 days. I kept expecting it to jump back up, but it hasn't ... yet. That's the fear of all the weight coming back that we all have. I have a hard time accepting that I might actually weight 213-214.
I met a match.com person last night. They have this date idea thing where I put, "Wanna go to a hockey game?" He responded with Yes. And there's one Saturday night. All of a sudden I felt like I wanted to meet him before I had to spend several hours at a hockey game with a total stranger. I mean, what if we couldn't stand each other? So we had some sushi last night.
Here's the catch. (There is always a freakin' catch!!) He's a widower. His wife died, get this ... a month ago. That could potentially still be OK if she'd been dying a long time. And she had been sick a long time - but they didn't know she'd die until a few days before it happened. He wants to get out and meet women (with full permission from his grown kids) not because he's ready, but because he feels he needs to get his mind off "things." In one breath he said he just wants to hang out with someone, but in the next breath he talked about looking for his other 50%. Not exactly the same thing, dude.
I feel terrible for the guy. He's a nice guy and relatively easy to talk to. But he doesn't even come close to being able to expand his horizon to care for a new woman. I told him that (nicer though.) - but he didn't get it. I tried to let him know, nicely, that most women would be cautious since it seemed like he's still letting go. We left it last night that I'd email today if I wanted to go to the game with him. The more I thought about it today, the less I wanted to see him again - but I really want to go to this hockey game! So I emailed him to see what time he wants to meet - if he still wants to go.
A big part of me is hoping he won't answer or will write that he doesn't want to or can't go. Then I could stay home and sleep! If he still wants to go, then I'll get to see the game, which will be OK too. I'll let y'all know tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
E2E Midweek Update
214.4 this morning, which is up 1.4 pounds from yesterday, but still down significantly from last week. When I sat on the edge of the bed this morning and saw how far my belly went down my legs, I knew the scale would be up. I feel and look puffy.
Yesterday I couldn't fill myself even though I wasn't hungry. I know what it is. It's stress. I'm worried about my cat, about how much bills he's racking up that I can't afford. I'm supposed to pick him up sometime today, except that I have EMT class from 7-10, and I have to wait until the vet calls me, which should happen anytime now (she says, pointedly looking at the phone). Even without the cat, I'm worried about money. I've got more going out than coming in and I have to figure out what to do about it. My rainy day fund will be gone after this month. And I'm sick - stress - sick - yes, I think they're related!
So yesterday I snacked. A lot. A small handful of wasabi peas. A few pieces of beef jerky. A cookie. I wasn't hungry at all, but still ate. I got wonton soup on the way home and couldn't resist ordering crab rangoon (didn't look at the calories until after I ate it - on purpose). High reward food that made me want food again in a few hours. Had a few ounces of turkey breast. Then some cottage cheese. Food isn't going to fill the feeling inside me, but it's what I tried.
I saw it happening and tried to limit the damage by using food a little - but not too much. This is when I should have meditated or worked out. I did neither.
I slept 15 hours last night. Took the day off work today to try and get this cold to the next stage. And I started to get my tax stuff together. The sooner I file, the sooner they'll take my refund, which should satisfy one of my debts and get me closer to being in monthly balance. I could potentially rent out the master bedroom of my house, or refinance it from 15 years to 30 years. I'm really hoping I don't have to do either one, but at least I have options. I guess. When I did the calculations, I had a cushion. But every. single. month. last year had some huge unusual cost that I didn't plan for. Three times it was huge x 2!! When it's every month, it's not unusual any more!! The well is dry. I cannot afford to have my cat push this whole house of cards down! How's that for mixing metaphors?
Oh well. Enough of that. My stomach is growling. I have a pineapple I'm going to cut into and turkey breast for lunch.
My quote is particularly relevant now, when I'm letting myself be worried by thoughts of disaster: Thoughts become things ... choose the good ones!!
(Then last night my fortune cookie fortune said, "Only tears can bring a dreamer back to earth." Gak!!?! What do they know that I don't know???)
Yesterday I couldn't fill myself even though I wasn't hungry. I know what it is. It's stress. I'm worried about my cat, about how much bills he's racking up that I can't afford. I'm supposed to pick him up sometime today, except that I have EMT class from 7-10, and I have to wait until the vet calls me, which should happen anytime now (she says, pointedly looking at the phone). Even without the cat, I'm worried about money. I've got more going out than coming in and I have to figure out what to do about it. My rainy day fund will be gone after this month. And I'm sick - stress - sick - yes, I think they're related!
So yesterday I snacked. A lot. A small handful of wasabi peas. A few pieces of beef jerky. A cookie. I wasn't hungry at all, but still ate. I got wonton soup on the way home and couldn't resist ordering crab rangoon (didn't look at the calories until after I ate it - on purpose). High reward food that made me want food again in a few hours. Had a few ounces of turkey breast. Then some cottage cheese. Food isn't going to fill the feeling inside me, but it's what I tried.
I saw it happening and tried to limit the damage by using food a little - but not too much. This is when I should have meditated or worked out. I did neither.
I slept 15 hours last night. Took the day off work today to try and get this cold to the next stage. And I started to get my tax stuff together. The sooner I file, the sooner they'll take my refund, which should satisfy one of my debts and get me closer to being in monthly balance. I could potentially rent out the master bedroom of my house, or refinance it from 15 years to 30 years. I'm really hoping I don't have to do either one, but at least I have options. I guess. When I did the calculations, I had a cushion. But every. single. month. last year had some huge unusual cost that I didn't plan for. Three times it was huge x 2!! When it's every month, it's not unusual any more!! The well is dry. I cannot afford to have my cat push this whole house of cards down! How's that for mixing metaphors?
Oh well. Enough of that. My stomach is growling. I have a pineapple I'm going to cut into and turkey breast for lunch.
My quote is particularly relevant now, when I'm letting myself be worried by thoughts of disaster: Thoughts become things ... choose the good ones!!
(Then last night my fortune cookie fortune said, "Only tears can bring a dreamer back to earth." Gak!!?! What do they know that I don't know???)
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
We May Not Be Doomed to Regain!
I love Yoni Freedhoff's blog Weighty Matters. He's the founder of a weight management centre in Ottowa and a doctor. His philosophy is that the best weight loss method is one that you can enjoy, in contrast with the way many people lose by starving ourselves and torturing ourselves with exercise that we don't like. If we torture ourselves to lose weight, it's highly likely that we'll go back to our old ways and regain it all.
Here's a quote from his blog, "there is one essential commonality for those who succeed where others fail - if you're going to keep it off you've got to like how you've lost it enough to keep doing it"
He posted something about this recently-published study: Four-year weight losses in the Look AHEAD study: factors associated with long-term success.
Here's the highlight from the top graph (participants who lost more than 10% of their weight at one year). Forty-two percent kept most of it off for 4 years!
The success factors for long-term weight loss? "Paying attention to intake, exercising, and applying the education they received from their expert research team."
If I ever thought that I'd be able to inhale macaroni and cheese or fettucini alfredo the way I used to, it's time to bury those thoughts and give them a proper funeral!
Here's a quote from his blog, "there is one essential commonality for those who succeed where others fail - if you're going to keep it off you've got to like how you've lost it enough to keep doing it"
He posted something about this recently-published study: Four-year weight losses in the Look AHEAD study: factors associated with long-term success.
Here's the highlight from the top graph (participants who lost more than 10% of their weight at one year). Forty-two percent kept most of it off for 4 years!
The success factors for long-term weight loss? "Paying attention to intake, exercising, and applying the education they received from their expert research team."
Monday, January 23, 2012
I Feel Like Crap
It was yesterday afternoon when I realized that the tiredness and everything feeling sore and throat beginning to tickle was the beginning of something yucky. I lay down mid-afternoon for a while, which just ruined my ability to go to sleep last night. So now I'm at work feeling like I've been hit by a bus. I don't get sick often, and I'm hoping that this one isn't too bad. But it's not surprising with the stress of the last week. We'll see.
I did manage to prepare my food for work (eggy-hot capicola-onion-green pepper-broccoli scramble, 2 hard boiled eggs, red grapes, mesclun salad with feta cheese and spicy nuts). I also have baby carrots and an apple available in case I have cravings. Check off that aspect of taking care of myself.
I also brought my workout clothes to work. I'm going to try and do C25K week 3, which has (2) 3-minute runs and (2) 1-1/2 minute runs. If I can't hack that, I'll backtrack to week 1 which is 1 minute running, 1 minute walking intervals. This whole 9 minutes of jogging and 21 minutes of walking doesn't burn that many calories - I want to graduate to week 4 which is 12 minutes of running. I doubt I'll be able to hack it today though. I've read that if you don't have a fever, you can still work out when you're sick. So I plan to. At least try.
Since I ate the house on Saturday night (I did log everything I ate and it was 2000+ calories), I was curious how I'd feel on Sunday. Would I have cravings to eat lots more, or would I have a reaction like 'normal' people and want to eat less than usual? I did crave a bit in the morning, but successfully ignored it. I ended up eating 1100 calories and not being hungry for more. I ellipticall-ed for 30 minutes, so my net cals was, like 800 for the day. Success.
Then the scale said 213.8 this morning, which is unbelievable. No way I lost another 2 pounds. It says my body fat went up a little to 39.0 percent, so maybe my body is taking muscle to fight the sickness I'm getting? Maybe the cals I've been eating the last few weeks have been too low and my body was in starvation mode? Who knows. I'm just gonna put my head down, look at my feet and keep going forward. Trying to take care of myself all the healthy ways I can. Trenches mode, baby!
I did manage to prepare my food for work (eggy-hot capicola-onion-green pepper-broccoli scramble, 2 hard boiled eggs, red grapes, mesclun salad with feta cheese and spicy nuts). I also have baby carrots and an apple available in case I have cravings. Check off that aspect of taking care of myself.
I also brought my workout clothes to work. I'm going to try and do C25K week 3, which has (2) 3-minute runs and (2) 1-1/2 minute runs. If I can't hack that, I'll backtrack to week 1 which is 1 minute running, 1 minute walking intervals. This whole 9 minutes of jogging and 21 minutes of walking doesn't burn that many calories - I want to graduate to week 4 which is 12 minutes of running. I doubt I'll be able to hack it today though. I've read that if you don't have a fever, you can still work out when you're sick. So I plan to. At least try.
Since I ate the house on Saturday night (I did log everything I ate and it was 2000+ calories), I was curious how I'd feel on Sunday. Would I have cravings to eat lots more, or would I have a reaction like 'normal' people and want to eat less than usual? I did crave a bit in the morning, but successfully ignored it. I ended up eating 1100 calories and not being hungry for more. I ellipticall-ed for 30 minutes, so my net cals was, like 800 for the day. Success.
Then the scale said 213.8 this morning, which is unbelievable. No way I lost another 2 pounds. It says my body fat went up a little to 39.0 percent, so maybe my body is taking muscle to fight the sickness I'm getting? Maybe the cals I've been eating the last few weeks have been too low and my body was in starvation mode? Who knows. I'm just gonna put my head down, look at my feet and keep going forward. Trying to take care of myself all the healthy ways I can. Trenches mode, baby!
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