Shoulds and Oughtas (or the Chainsaw and the Hill)

I've been really good this week.  I've eaten less than my 1300 calories and exercised on the elliptical every day.  I've even begun to (gasp) "forget" to eat occasionally and MFP has reminded me that I should be over 1000 net calories.  So it's been surprising that the scale hasn't moved much.  I've been stuck at 249.8 for a few days, and feeling like I should be working harder at losing.

So there I was at work today at the end of the day, my first day this week that I didn't have something to do in the evening, debating with myself.  Was I going to go to the gym and do the elliptical, or was I going to go home and get yard work done (which in my mind doesn't count for a workout).

I was tired.  It's been a busy week at work and today I did a lot of walking around the chemical plant and a lot of hard thinking about math/engineering stuff.  I like being busy at work, but it can wipe me out so that I'm worthless in the evening (yup, morning person).  Anyway - I came home to do yardwork rationalizing that I would do the elliptical afterwards.

So, here's the chainsaw and here's my front yard at the top of a hill that looks down into a pond.  Or would look over a pond if there weren't so many trees and bushes.  I started clearing out the bushes in July when it was 90 bazillion degrees and I was really, really out of shape.  Today felt better.  I got a few bushes cut before the sun set, and came inside feeling like I "oughta" do an elliptical workout.  Never mind that I was so tired I was shaking.  Somehow it's gotten into my head that if I don't perfectly eat and perfectly exercise, I'll balloon up to where I was.

My logical mind knows that I did OK today and I gave myself permission to relax, but I can see the struggle doesn't end.  The meditation teacher said that we are hardest on ourselves. How to balance it?  How to do well enough to continue losing, but poorly enough to live a nice and full, messy life?  I'll meditate on that.

Next time I post a picture of my yard, here's hoping there's less in it!