This Minute, This Moment

The only time that counts is right now. 

Oh, I'm as guilty as anyone of making pronouncements like, "I'll work out for an hour every day this weekend," or, "I'll never eat pasta again."  And I spend way too much time rehashing the last conversation, looking for places where I could have said something differently. 

But as I lay in bed last night doing the rehashing thing after a fire alarm call and kicking myself for spending too much time hanging around afterwards with those assholes because all they do is make me feel crappy, I realized (again, for the thousandth time) - that I can't change the past.  It's gone.  When I carry the past with me in my head, I'm preventing myself from enjoying NOW.  In my extremely comfortable bed snuggled up with Maggie the dog and Sparky the cat.  Then I went to sleep.  Eventually.

I had imaginary arguments with the biggest asshole this morning, and only with difficulty was able to drag myself back to NOW to enjoy breakfast and anticipation.  You see, I have a DATE tonight with TaxMan.  A Third date.

The second date last Friday was nice.  We ate nachos and drank wine, and at the end we brushed lips.  I reached back for a hug and that felt awkward.  I have no idea what tonight will bring, outside of Thai dinner and a dance performance.  Maybe we'll hold hands.  Maybe we'll kiss.  I'll let you know.

I feel a little weird.  I've never dated a guy that's totally appropriate for me - same smarts, same education, no obvious problems living life.  Completely available, as in divorced for a while.  Well-balanced.  Has friends.  It's unsettling, and so unlike my normal pattern of going for train wrecks.  I don't know what the future holds.

But that's where it gets cool.  I don't have to know.  All I need to do is what I've done.  Eat lightly so that I can enjoy dinner (within reason).  Done.  Work out.  Done.  Take a shower and shave my legs, just in case!  Done!

And then - enjoy the evening!  Relax!  Take it moment by moment!