It wasn't as bad as I expected - 231.8 this morning on the scale. Gained 1 pound from yesterday morning. I'm 1.6 pounds up from Wednesday, but still had 0.8 pound loss for the week. I'd call that a successful Thanksgiving week.
I don't know why (if I had to guess, I'd say hormones or Sunday-itis), but I'm feeling down today. Everything makes me sad. It's tough to stay under 1240 calories per day. I can't give myself ANY treats at this level and that pisses me off. I understand that it's for the best, but bah humbug! I see couples out shopping and it makes me sad that I'm not part of a couple and then it makes me sad that even when I was part of a couple, we didn't shop together. And then it makes me sad that I've never in my entire life been in a relationship where I was comfortable enough to go shopping with my partner. Lots and lots of couples do it, but me? No. Sad. I want that.
TaxMan came back from his trip yesterday and even though he said he'd call, he hasn't. If past trips are any indicator, he'll email me tomorrow morning to see if we can get together this week. We've been casually dating for about 2 months, and I enjoy time with him, but don't really think about him when we're not together. Except now I'm annoyed that he apparently feels the same way. Yuck, this makes me sad.
Even worse is that I get all tongue tied around the guy I'm crushing on at the fire department. Friday, I went to pick up my gloves and ran into him, a total surprise since he'd driven his mom's car. All I said is Who's car is that, and then I LEFT. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I felt like I had to have this strong I-don't need-or-want-anyone facade that would make him desire me. The idea in my warped and twisted mind is that if he likes me, he'll let me know (which is not happening). Then later the same day after a call, I saw him in his truck and ignored him! I pretended I didn't see him. Holy cow, I wish I could have a do-over. I'm tempted to tell him that I get tongue-tied around people I like, but what if it backfires?
There's an older guy at the firehouse that like-likes me. He's all moon-eyed and stares at me at drills. Everyone knows about it, but he's in his 60s or so and married and about 4-1/2 feet tall, so he's probably harmless. I just pretend I don't see it. All I can think of is that this old guy is the same amount of years older than me than I am older than the guy I'm crushing on. What if my crushee sees me the same way I see the old guy? It makes me so freakin sad to think of myself as some old person that's unattractive. Sad. Very sad.
So yeah, I'm feeling low and I want to eat. I know that won't make it better, so I'm going to power through the day somehow. My arms are sore from yesterday's riding, so I may do an elliptical workout, or I may go hang out at the firehouse with the guys watching football, just so I don't have to be alone. I'll let you know how it goes - thanks for reading this far!
It can get hard to be alone but I found that finding comfort in that and being ok with it allows you to be appealing to others cause they see that sense of independence and a lot of guys are attracted to that, those that don't want needy that is:-) Anyways, you just need to focus on you and get where you want to be... the rest will come:-)
ReplyDeleteI loved that you had fun (saw those pics!) And a holiday week with a loss is a WIN. A big win. Savor it.:)
ReplyDeleteOn we go...
We all get old, btw, ya know? If we have that privilege. It's tough. It's tougher on we women. Women are very much highly rated on looks and youthfulness, and that's painful as we lose some or most of both. It's hard.
ReplyDeleteBut the fact that the "harmless" dude is stars nuts about you says you are surely attractive. Maybe not to every dude, but to that dude, you're rocking the sex appeal song. :D
And one day, you will connect with a guy who will look at you and think, "She's the most beautiful woman in the damn cosmos." And you will feel like the most beautiful woman in the cosmos.
love does that
That's why love makes the world shine. It makes YOU shine in someone's eyes brighter than anyone else.
It will happen. Believe it. Look for it. Expect it when it least is expected. :D
Go and talk to the guy, at least just a casual conversation so that you don't feel so down on yourself. You are beautiful Jordan, very much so. This week will be a great week, I know it will. Keep trying my friend. Blessings!!
ReplyDeleteYeah for the loss this week. I'm sorry you are feeling down though. You should talk to thr guy though. I wasted many opportunities to talk to guys I liked and always regretted it. I know it's not easy to talk to t the crush guys, but if you have confidence in yourself the rest will flow. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteJust let him know you're tongue-tied, and stop pretending you don't see him!!
ReplyDelete