Date Night

Thoughts become things - choose the good ones.

219.0 this morning, which is -0.6 from yesterday.

I have a date tonight.

I was casually dating someone in the fall, thinking it would evolve into a relationship, but realized after Thanksgiving that it wasn't going to be what I was looking for.  So I put my profile back online.  This time I felt more confident about myself and tried match.com.  I initiated an email conversation with a graphic designer and we met mid-December.   I invited him to some poetry-type events after that, but he was busy with end-of-year stuff and I halfway wrote him off.  I figured that if he wanted to get together again, it was his turn to do the inviting.

And so he did.  He remembered what I said when we met and invited me to see the roller derby tonight.  He also picked a Japanese/Thai/Korean restaurant for us to eat at.   I LOVE it when I don't have to be the one making all the decisions. And I love that he paid attention and responded to what I said I like.

I'm a little nervous, but trying to remember that this is about me being my authentic self.  If we continue to click, that's great.  But if we don't, that's OK too.  I've been wanting to see a roller derby for years. Worst case, I'll have finally seen one.  There's a Pinterest thing that comes to mind right now:  It's not about finding someone you can live with - It's about finding someone you can't live without.  (No pressure - haha.) 

But really - I've spent so many years feeling like every person I dated was my only shot at happiness that I almost can't remember what it's like to be in a good relationship.  I tried to contort myself into being a good match with people that were great guys, just not great for me.  Not surprising, looking back on it, that I attracted some real winners.  I realized recently that my ex-husband, who I met in 1989, was the best relationship I've ever had.  Why?  Because I was myself.  I didn't care if he liked me or not until it was too late and we were in love.  That's who I want to be again.  Myself.

Anyway.  I asked if he wanted to meet there or pick me up, and he chose to pick me up.  So I cleaned a little bit.  Not excessively, because I'm being me after all.  I don't know if I'm going to ask him in or not, but I do know that I don't want to go, um, all horizontal and stuff.  I've gone faster than I really wanted to too many times.  For me, this is about finding someone that I really want to spend time talking to and being with.  If we jump into bed too soon, it makes it harder to judge if we really like each other and enjoy spending time together.  Of course I'm prone to getting caught up in the moment and did make sure all the important things are clean. 

We'll see how it goes.  I'm not going to promise that I'll let you know the details!  One thing I can say is that I feel SO much better about myself than this time last year, and I think it's attracting higher quality dudes.  Hopefully, the right one will come along one of these days.